On 4/05/2012 phillipivan wrote:
> Klaus, the Fork Lift Driver
So the video sux but the comments are worth a look.
On 4/05/2012 Duncan wrote:
That is brilliant. Now on my blogs to read bookmark.
I particularly like:
"Usually it is Biff Pelican making preposterous announcements to commuters and asking questions with no sensible answer (once I saw him bowl a loaf of bread down the aisle like a cricket ball and yell “Good area, Biff!” after it hit a woman hard in the leg), but he was out of his league here."
~> This sequence is a chuckle given the context of some thread topics on this site.
Two churches on opposite sides of the road...
Yeah, it's not real:
There's no Santa or Easter Bunny either.
Everything here is gold.
On 4/05/2012 Duncan wrote:
>Yeah, it's not real:
Fair enough, but I still chuckled.
As an aside, what has 'reality' got to do with funnies? ☺
Yoo hoo, waving at you madly Mr IdratherbeclimbingM9. I have noticed that you post the occasional milestone posts on this lovely site and seem interested in statistics, motorbikes and that kind of stuff.
There are many kinds of things in that category, and it must be cold riding at this time of year?
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica –
Where do they go?
Wonder no more !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Then they kick him in the ice hole.
Please, take care of yourself out on the roads.
A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who drink bottled water, Diet Coke, soda, juice, energy drinks, and crap like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.
This message is sent to you by someone who worries about your safety.
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector', says the Coroner.
'Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'
The Inspector asked, 'What about the third body?'
'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector
'Thought he was having his picture taken.'
On 11/05/2012 MrsM10iswhereitsat! wrote:
>There are many kinds of things in that category, and it must be cold riding
>at this time of year?
It is the best time of year for it in my opinion.
>The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
>"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
>"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
An admirable refrain and not dissimilar to the type of penguin!
>Then they kick him in the ice hole.
I don't have one of those yet!
>Please, take care of yourself out on the roads.
I try to anticipate the 'cages' silly actions.
>This message is sent to you by someone who worries about your safety.
I know it's not Friday, but this DILEMMA has been playing on my mind.
I was planning to go climbing at Mt Arapiles with a mate this weekend, but due to a text messaging blunder my wife and my sexy new girlfriend have found out about each other. My wife wants me to stay home and talk it over and try to save our marriage otherwise she’ll leave me and take the kids. My sexy new girlfriend also wants to talk about why I never told her I was married and whether I am going to leave my wife. She says she will dump me if I don’t spend the weekend with her instead of my wife.
Obviously the right thing to do would be to stay home, dump the GF and try to reconcile with the wife. On the other hand, the GF is younger and more enthusiastic (if you catch my drift).
Anyway back to the dilemma. Should I take a full set of RPs? Or will these just add unnecessary weight to my rack?
girlfriend, at least you'll get up something rps or not
Yoo hoo Mr widewetandslippery, waving madly at you from over here.
Derek my M10 love says I am too soft with the funnies and I need to harden up like you dearie, so he has found me a few for this week that you might like, as they are not too politically correct, plus there is some canoeing in there somewhere that I read that you were interested in.
(The first one might have been done before on this raucous portion of a lovely site?)
Letter from Scout Camp.
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood
on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping
bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all
up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write
because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps.
It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been
for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling
anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he
probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the
gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our
clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It
wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left.
Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect
something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's
hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45
people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer
until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact,
he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there
aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to
the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam
was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we
didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great.
You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get
mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the
bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew
dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food
poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with
food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our
scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better
while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some
more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight
it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
Derek was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding his own business, waiting on it to turn green.
A carload of young, loud ethniks, shouting anti-Australian slogans, stopped next to him. The light changed, the ethniks shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of him.
Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, crushing it completely. For several minutes he sat in his car thinking to himself, "Man, that could have been me!"
So, today, bright & early, he went out & got a job as a truck driver!
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women; from England, Wales and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said, “Have you ever had a hug?” The man said, “No”, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The Welsh woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?” The man said, “No”, so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The Scottish woman came to him and said, “ave ya ever been fooked, laddie?”
The man broke into a big smile and said, “No.”
She said, “Aye – ya will be when the tide comes in.”
>Derek was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding his own business, waiting on it to turn green.
>A carload of young, loud ethniks, shouting anti-Australian slogans, stopped next to him.
>The light changed, the ethniks shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of him.
>Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, crushing it completely.
>For several minutes he sat in his car thinking to himself, "Man, that could have been me!"
So, today, bright & early, he went out & got a job as a truck driver!
Gold gold gold.
Is your tent waterproof?
Holy moly where was that?
According to the facebook post: It's Glastonbury 2005. Some people posted it saying it was the Download festival from the weekened but it was lies. Apparently they had to send in cop scuba divers to make sure no one was in the tents still. Grim.
Can't remember if I posted this one already (Google isn't showing it if I did), so here it is, possibly a second time.
Q. What comes between "fear" and "sex"?