A Polar Bear goes into a bar and says, " Can I have a gin and ....................... ........................ .......................... ......................... .......................... ........................... ............................ ....... ................. tonic please?"
The barman serves him and says, "Why the long pause?"
Polar Bear says,
"Don't know, I've always had them!"
Well, since we're getting in early... This one showed up on Sonnie Trotter's blog earlier in the week:
Things Bogans Like has been keeping me amused recently. Here's another link for those that want to start at the beginning.
This story about a man, his son and the worst swear word in the world cracked me up too. There's some NSFW language in it.
Yoo hoo Chockerstone dearies. Hasn't it been an eventful week just gone? Derek my M10 love was reading the ghouly thread about the body found on the cliff by a climber, and he said it reminded him of a recent climbing trip of his.
One lovely morning not long a go, he and another old tradster were out on their way to a new cliff. One slipped off the track deep into a scrubby gully. He proceeded along the gully bed further into a ravine in search of a way out.
He searched diligently through the thick underbrush and suddenly spotted something half shiny. As he got closer, he realised that the shiny object was in fact a sequined chalk bag in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old bouldering mat.
He excitedly called out to his climbing partner: "Hey mate, come here, I got big trouble down here."
His mate comes rummaging through the scrub over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter?"
He shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my rack! Looks like you can't get out of here just with a crashmat!"
The situations one finds themselves in are all a matter of perspective really, and perhaps also on how much they diversify their business, or get charged up about it?
Here are a couple of examples.
A couple lived near Mt Arapiles and used to walk out there a lot. One summer they noticed a curly haired climber who was there pretty much every day.
He wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag he carried, except for one thing. He would approach people who were sitting around, glance about him, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and he would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something he carried in his bag. The couple assumed he was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch him.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that he only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a picnic rug and our big trannie and go sit out there. Then we can find out what he's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the curly haired one, talk to her husband and then leave. The husband returned to the Pines and met his wife near the road. "Well, is he selling drugs?" she asked excitedly."
No, he's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. "His name is Simon and he's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied. "Here is his business card which reads, 'Simon's C cells - only available by the ancient seashore!'"
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."
Little Johnny pipes up and says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
On 6/11/2009 Mr kuu wrote;
>Make mine black with two sugars please.
You are welcome Mr kuu. It is good to relax isn't it dearie, as sometimes by the weeks end, it is easy to feel all pondered out.
That;s funny. Made my day. In return
Eddy Izzard http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ope-1Zb5t-k
George Carlin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o
Keith Jensen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rua4Rw8dDuQ&feature=fvw
A Greek father approached his daughter on her wedding day with a little advise. When your husband tells you to turn around, no matter how much he begs and pleads to you... Don't do it.
The daughter agrees to her father's advise and promises to never allow her husband to turn her around.
The couple are then happily married and six months later they are in bed together when her husband asks her to turn around.
"No!" She replies, "my father told me to never turn around, I promised that I will never let you do it!"
The husband responds... "What's the matter, you don't want to have a baby?"
Hello Chockerstone dearies.
Hasn't it been an eventful couple of weeks lately? What with the changing face of the liberal party, the numerous polls on Chockerstone, and today a couple of posts already on Friday Funnies even if it is only Tuesday!
Derek my M10 love tells me it must be the silly season, as some say, but more the worry is that some are? I bet Mr Rudd being the prominent leader of our fair country isn't ducking for cover in Copenhagen, but if he needs a bunker to hole up in, then I think he could do well to join the book authors in the Nati Cafe.
If things are not as we want them, then we can only wish.
A curly haired boulderer and a tradster, both Nati locals, were climbing at Arapiles when tradster pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked curly haired boulderer for a light.
'Yeah, sure, I think I have a lighter,' he replied, and then reaching into his climbing pack, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
'Jiminy Cricket!' exclaimed tradster, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. 'Where did you get that monster??'
'Well,' replied curly haired boulderer, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You have a Genie?' tradster asked.
'Yeah, sure. It's right here in my climbing pack,' says curly haired boulderer.
'Could I see him?'
Curly haired boulderer opens his climbing pack & sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the genie, tradster says, 'Hey there I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So tradster asks the Genie for a million bucks.
The Genie disappears back into the climbing pack leaving tradster sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks....flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks tradster yells at curly haired boulderer, 'What the heck, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Curly haired boulderer answers, 'Yeah, I forgot to tell you that the Genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
Very clever, heh heh heh
It's not Friday but I thought this was good
Still not Friday. But it's December, and every day in december is essentially friday.
This is the best thing I've read in ages.
On 17/12/2009 evanbb wrote:
>Still not Friday. But it's December, and every day in december is essentially
>This is the best thing I've read in ages.
At the family homestead in Reno, NV on a quiet, soundless night after the snow stops
you hear them. Imagine Andre the Giant crouching on your roof whispering,
"Whoooooooo? Whooooooo?" You don't see them often as they are entirely nocturnal,
but lying there snug under your covers you whisper your own thanks that you are not the
I went up to shovel the roof and found the pristine snow indented perfectly with the most
incredible snow angle ever. Every individual feather inscribed neatly in the pristine
snow. The span was an easy two meters dwarfing my own not inconsiderable ape index.
The loops and arcs of bright red arterial blood told the rest of the story. We never saw
that tabby again.
Farley Mowat writes about the owls using cats to keep their feet warm on cold nights in
Ontario. Owls in the Family (1961) A great read and very funny.
Yes Hound, That was very funny.
On 17/12/2009 egosan wrote:
> We never saw that tabby again.
Awesome. We had a resident Tawny Frogmouth and Boobook when we were in the Bluies, and the occasional Powerful Owl. The Powerful visitted one night after we'd had a few, it was terrifying. They're monsters.
This is pretty typical behaviour:
On 17/12/2009 evanbb wrote:
>On 17/12/2009 egosan wrote:
>> We never saw that tabby again.
>Awesome. We had a resident Tawny Frogmouth and Boobook when we were in
>the Bluies, and the occasional Powerful Owl. The Powerful visitted one
>night after we'd had a few, it was terrifying. They're monsters.
Wow, that is a great picture. Funny how the owl is revered as a symbol of wisdom, while
in nature it is a heavy hitter wearing a white tie on white shirt doling out the pain for the
Time for a good joke (for Wendy, since she hates them):
Q. What's big and like a mouse?
A. A house!
Thanks Peter. Here's another:
Q: What are hundreds and thousands?
A: Smartie poo.
Who is the coolest person in a hospital ?
The ultra sound guy
My favourite Tiger joke...
"He who drives well on the fairway doesn't always fare so well in the driveway"
On 18/12/2009 simey wrote:
>My favourite Tiger joke...
>"He who drives well on the fairway doesn't always fair so well in the driveway"
heh heh heh heh heh heh heh