General Climbing Discussion

Author	Friday Funnies
BR 15-Aug-2009 5:48:36 PM	Anyone for climbing? Snake eating kangaroo
jamief 15-Aug-2009 7:18:58 PM	Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? A. A rooster clucks defiance.
earwig 21-Aug-2009 9:00:35 AM	The non sequitur comic strip in this morning's Age is pretty good. Or maybe my opinion is coloured by the fact that I'm male and recovering from an injury!
ajfclark 21-Aug-2009 2:48:35 PM	Given the venom that seems to be flying around today, this seemed appropriate as "Thought for the day":
Wendy 21-Aug-2009 3:05:36 PM	Love your work Andrew!
ajfclark 21-Aug-2009 3:12:37 PM	Unfortunately I can't claim credit for creating this one. I've also been unable to track down where it came from (I got it in an email a while back). This one from Plognark has made it up on every cubicle within a particular department at work. There's some amusing stories to some of the pictures too.
muki 21-Aug-2009 7:33:01 PM	Overheard : A dyslexic sex worker greeting her john for the night.... Hi, meat to please you, its a business doing pleasure.
pmonks 24-Aug-2009 1:26:13 AM	Q. Why are peas small and green? A. Because if they were big and red they'd be fire trucks.
ajfclark 24-Aug-2009 9:57:04 AM	From Sonnie Trotter: Here’s funny photo I took the next day while guiding during the event. We stumbled upon this baby toy, (apparently forgotten) stuffed into a 5.12c crack and thought it was hilariously placed, so we made a moment from it. Thanks Stephen.
IdratherbeclimbingM9 24-Aug-2009 1:19:46 PM	Your photo reminds me that I once found a barbie doll 'in bondage' at a belay well clear of the deck. Did not have a camera with me at the time though ...
onsight 24-Aug-2009 3:54:44 PM	On 24/08/2009 IdratherbeclimbingM9 wrote: >Your photo reminds me that I once found a barbie doll 'in bondage' at a >belay well clear of the deck. Did not have a camera with me at the time >though ... Ozy eh? I've got a pic of said doll in my archive from about 1985.
IdratherbeclimbingM9 24-Aug-2009 4:00:28 PM	If she was wearing 'painted blue bathers' then it is the same one!
otmab 28-Aug-2009 6:48:34 PM	Different characters on Chockstone (some also exist on other sites). - 'The Legend' Been in the climbing world for at least 20 years, and is (or was) famous for something related to climbing. Doesn't generally say much, but when he/she does post, is roundly congratulated for their input by wannabes. - 'The Sleezebag' If the opposite sex asks a question, or needs help with anything whatsoever, the Sleezebag will step in with authoritative advice - no matter how ridiculous the question, obvious the answer, illogical the original proposition, or clear that the 'Target' should be perfectly capable of helping themselves (within seconds if the Target is perceived to be available and naive). In contrast, If a person of the same sex as the Sleezebag asks a similar question, the Sleezebag becomes 'The Wanker'. - 'The Pedant' Hijacks any thread that contains a post with spelling, capitalisation, hyphenation, or grammatical errors. If no posts in the thread contain such errors, becomes the 'Rat's Ass'. - 'Rat's Ass' Though the Rat's Ass is usually a frequent poster, most of his/her posts can be summarised thus - 'Who gives a f**k about this bulls**t?' To emphasise how much time we're all wasting time posting to the thread, the Rat's Ass will post carefully selected images (usually as attachments, but sometimes as meticulously crafted ASCII art). - 'The Factoid' Posts a hell of a lot, mostly information - i.e. doesn't like to throw opinions into the ring. Likes to post links to other sites, links back to Chockstone itself, jokes, news items, pictures.... may know 'secret' formatting mark-up to make posts look cool. - 'Trad Nazi' Without exception, bolts are bad, and bolters are a blight on the human race. Existing bolts should be chopped on a vigilante basis. If not for any other reason, this should be done out of spite for the anklet-wearing Pansies that hammered 'em in. Safety? Bulls**t - if you don't feel safe, why are you climbing there? And by the way, harden the f**k up. - 'The Unintelligible' No one can understand this person. Their lack of attention to spelling and grammar is so absolute that the Pedants are overwhelmed. Only if the post contains expletives and references to other Chockstoners is it possible to eke some meaning out of what an Unintelligible has said. - 'The Tourist' Doesn't know anything about Chockstone or, indeed, much about climbing in Australia. Either needs a lift somewhere, or wishes to express disappointment with respect to our grading system. If English, and scorned, the Tourist will invoke his superior mastery of the language (and perceived superiority in logical debate). If American, the Tourist will usually be Unintelligible. - 'The Wanker' A bitter pill, the Wanker is a grumpy fellow. He'll disagree aggressively and rudely with a post, and then proceed to regurgitate it's ideas in his own words. Never more satisfied than when he cuts the Newbies down to size, he likes to use swearword substitutes (f**k etc) to emphasise a point. It's better to be feared than loved (i.e. The Wanker was bullied at school). - 'The Troll' In theory, the Troll loves to bait the other tribes. In practice, he or she is more often a Wanker, who later realises the idiocy of a previous post. In an attempt to salvage a modicum of respect from other Chockstoners, the Troll later claims (or agrees) that they were just Trolling. This pattern of behaviour is celebrated, and everyone has a good laugh. - 'EAIBM' (Everyone's an Idiot But Me) More of a temporary trait than a tribe, an EAIBMs are so passionate about an issue, that they're unable to accept that there may be more than one valid point of view. Out of sheer frustration, an EAIBM will exclaim 'Idiot! / You idiot! / What an idiot! / Who is this idiot?', and for the remainder of thread will become a Rat's Ass. - 'Town Cynic' By dint of also being a Legend, Wanker, or Rat's Ass (or all of he above), the Town Cynic doesn't contribute much to the thought of an ongoing thread, other than to reinforce his own ego. He or she will tend to post at the 'meta' level - i.e. about the thread itself, or about the characters on the thread (or Chockstone in general). He/She is also extremely sceptical about organisation, politics, hope, and changing anything in the climbing world, other than by vigilantism The Town Cynic is subject to extreme flashes of EAIBM, and may be on anti-depressants. - 'Newbie' Though the Newbie may have lurked for months, or even more than a year, he/she will make a complete ass of him/her self when posting the first few times, much to the delight of the Wankers. May also be fodder for Sleezebags, depending on perceived sex and availability. - 'The Look at Me' It's human nature to sometimes feel that you're a planet, spinning right dab smack in the centre of a vast, complex universe. The LAM feels the need to advertise this fact to other celestial bodies on a semi-regular basis. Common symptoms including starting new threads with the LAM's name somewhere in the thread title, or managing to recall snippets from the rich tapestry of their lives in almost every post. Some LAMs have tremendous faith in the strength of their opinions, and aren't afraid to do battle with the most bitter and powerful of Wankers. Other LAMs may lack patience with issues too far from 'the centre'. They bore quickly of such 'circular' threads, become Rat's Asses, and urge Chockstoners to join them in superior threads (for which the LAM is the OP).
wallwombat 28-Aug-2009 8:19:47 PM	Well, it looks like I'm definitely a 'Rat's Ass'. My climbing partner WW&S is, without a doubt, an 'Unintelligible'/' Town Cynic'. And M9, my friend, you are a 'Factoid'. Actually it sounds like you are THE 'Factoid'. Good stuff but I reckon a lot of it is too true to be actually 'funny'.
muki 28-Aug-2009 8:59:33 PM	On 28/08/2009 wallwombat wrote: >Good stuff but I reckon a lot of it is too true to be actually 'funny'. yes I found every single definition a perfect match for one or another of the regular posters on here.
muki 28-Aug-2009 9:07:41 PM	Now for a joke: A newly wed couple removed themselves to the bedroom, and the husband threw his pants at the wife and said put these on, no matter how she tried she could not make them stay up, and they kept sliding down, defeated she said I can't wear these! Exactly cried the husband and that's the way it's going to stay, I wear the pants in this family! The wife said OK and threw her knickers at the husband and said put these on, the husband struggled to get the frilly lace G string on, but no matter how he tried he couldn't get them past his thighs. defeated he said I can't get into these ! Exactly cried the wife and that's the way it's going to stay until you change your attitude!
pmonks 29-Aug-2009 1:52:14 AM	The stages of married sex: Anywhere sex - have sex anywhere, anytime and hang the consequences Inside sex - have sex anywhere inside, anytime Bedroom sex - have sex in the bedroom only, and only when the kids are asleep Hallway sex - walk past each other in the hallway and say "F*CK YOU!" PS. I aspire to be an unintelligible tourist wanker.
pmonks 5-Sep-2009 12:32:40 PM	Q. Why do married men die before their wives? A. Because they want to.
PDRM 8-Sep-2009 11:21:18 AM	On 28/08/2009 wallwombat wrote: >Good stuff but I reckon a lot of it is too true to be actually 'funny'. A more extensive list here: http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/index.htm .M
widewetandslippery 8-Sep-2009 11:50:23 AM	Middle age women says to her husband, "So what did you think of me when we first started dating?" Husband says, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and f*#k your brains out." Wife says, "Oh really, so what do you think of me now?" Husband says, "Well, I think I did a pretty good job."

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