General Climbing Discussion

Author	Friday Funnies
Duncan 18-Dec-2009 12:51:39 PM	http://mike.brisgeek.com/images/Cartoons/PhoneConroy.png
wallwombat 18-Dec-2009 2:28:09 PM	Apologies to MrsM10whereisthat.
Rob S. 20-Dec-2009 8:37:18 PM	A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
Rob S. 20-Dec-2009 8:47:23 PM	A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
MrsM10iswhereitsat. 23-Dec-2009 2:55:09 PM	It is still the silly season so I will ignore the fact that it is not Friday, and besides Derek my M10 love is taking me away for a lovely holiday then. Yoo hoo Mr GravityHound. You do ask some unusual questions dearie. I passed that one about cicadas on to Derek, and he said "don't be silly", and that you are just trying to sandbag me. There has been a lot of that going around on Chockerstone lately hasn't there dearie? However as Michael Kennedy once said, "If it weren't for egos, some of the greatest accomplishments of climbing would never have happened.", and besides, a girl would need a whole tanker load of chamomile tea to ward off the nonsense if it wasn't for the wonderful benefits of counselling. Counselling Lucky Lady and her Curly Haired friend from Natimuk went for counselling in Horsham after 7 days of relationship. When asked what the problem was, Lucky Lady went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the entire time of their relationship. She went on and on and on - neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their time together. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Lucky Lady to stand, unbuttoned her blouse, embraced her, put his hands on her breasts, and kissed her passionately as her Curly Haired friend watched with a raised eyebrow. Lucky Lady shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to Curly Haired friend and said, 'This is what she needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?' Curly Haired friend thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go bouldering out at the Mt. Can you pick her up?' Stay safe while travelling on the roads out there these holidays won't you dearies. There is too much rock to climb and posts to be made on this wonderful site yet, to disappear into the ethernet early.
simey 23-Dec-2009 3:21:10 PM	I think it is ridiculous how you portray me MrsM10. When did I start on bouldering on Fridays?
Eduardo Slabofvic 23-Dec-2009 3:26:28 PM	When did your relationships start lasting longer than 7 days?
simey 23-Dec-2009 3:50:44 PM	My serious relationships sometimes last that long.
ambyeok 23-Dec-2009 4:17:33 PM	How the hell do you stay on top of a boulder for 7 days?
simey 23-Dec-2009 4:41:43 PM	Who said anything about bouldering? >She went on and on and on - neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their time together. Well at least she wasn't complaining about the sex.
pmonks 9-Jan-2010 3:46:34 AM	Q. Why don't prawns like to share? A. Because they're a little shellfish!
ajfclark 13-Jan-2010 3:21:31 PM	You trimmed the bottom off... It had a funny too...
ajfclark 13-Jan-2010 3:34:38 PM	From http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/11/it_developer/ :
J.C. 13-Jan-2010 6:26:12 PM	From the same site^ ; "Have you ever asked yourself what you mean to marijuana? In the trenches of our uphill battle against freeing this botanical miracle, marijuana herself knows that in the greenest of her hearts, that she and the fight to free her is an act of humanity. It's the people that drive the fight. They spread the wisdom. They discredit the old myths such as 'Reefer Madness' and trumpet our triumphs like our holy statistic of zero deaths. I say our, because it belongs to you and it belongs to me. And in this war of will, intellect and stoner resolve, we all need allies. The chosen allies now are the noble and licensed dispensary runners who bring us our medicine, our high, our privilege in a legal template. Setting the course for our ultimate goal of decrim and legalese. We are all in this together. Our Plant. Our Love. Our Fight." http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/10/21/denver_critic/ http://www.westword.com/2009-10-08/news/are-you-westword-s-new-pot-critic/2
gordoste 13-Jan-2010 9:52:18 PM	yeah, nice to see Albury is famous for something! I know people that work at Border Express - the police were there yesterday. Apparently seek.com.au won't hand over server logs without getting a request from the police (as is proper). Rumour has it that the job posting was sent in by an ex-employee.
ajfclark 14-Jan-2010 7:49:10 AM	I've seen stuff like that go in to check whether HR or the recruiter are actually looking at the PD. Never anything that full on though.
k 14-Jan-2010 7:43:06 PM	"Climbing is 90% mental -- the other half is physical" - to paraphrase Yogi Berra
ajfclark 15-Jan-2010 3:06:48 PM	Epic Weight Watching Fail
MrsM10iswhereitsat. 12-Feb-2010 11:51:03 AM	Hello lovely chockstoners. Isn't it good to be here on Friday again? Derek my M10 love and I have been travelling lately, but we have not lost our sense of humour. My but isn't there a lot of posts to catch up on, when one goes away for a while. It will take more than a good dog to round them all up. A NZ boulderer was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely boulderer. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But, the sheepdog, very protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the boulderer took his arm from around the sheep. After that the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and lo and behold there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young lady. That evening the boulderer brought the beautiful young lady to the evening beach ritual. It was another fantastic evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon the boulderer started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to the beautiful young lady and told her he hadn't had sex for months. The beautiful young lady batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him. He said, "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
superbumbly 15-Feb-2010 10:15:59 PM	A trad climber and a boulderer were having a few beers in the pines, after several beers the boulderer turned to the beard stroker and said, " If I went round to your place while you were climbing, drank your beer, got a bl**job off your wife, then had sex with her and she got pregnant, would that make us related?" The traddy stroked his beard slowly and turned to the young boulderer and said,"I don't know about related, but it would definitely make us even."

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