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General Climbing Discussion

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Friday Funnies
11:31:21 PM
On 8/03/2008 hero wrote:

You are a sick sick man. I quote from your link "patting the end of a male eggplant with an oblong
bottom". Please explain?
11:39:33 PM
you're the one with the eggplant?
11:41:50 PM
You are not the only one to covet my eggplant.
5:38:00 PM
WARNING the following text explains castration.

Coming from a farming background I can guarantee that that bloke is using a castrating iron that we usto use for nutting young bull calves. For those unsure the idea is to crush the testes inside the scrotum until they break, making them useless for producing semen. You now have a steer, which are more docile and put on weight much quicker.
Why on earth you would do it to yourself I have no idea, maybe he wants to take up sportsclimbing.

6:40:41 PM
as a friend pointed out: at least now he can't reproduce and spread such stupidity...!
7:15:21 PM
Clarification from a veterinarian.

The device pictured is called a 'bloodless emaculator' or Burdizzo and does not directly affect the testis at all. They have jaws that when operated are engineered to almost but not quite meet over the upper scrotum. They crush the vas deferens or spermaticord and the blood vessels; the testis are then cut off with a scalpel and the crushing limits the subsequent blood loss which would otherwise have the potential to kill, particularly a more mature beast . Outcome the same - no sperm. Sport climbing alternative to a claw hammer and a Stanley knife.


12:37:32 PM
hero wrote 4/3/08;
> (not for the squeamish MsM10).

Thank you Mr hero for the warning (which I diligently adhered to). Derek my M10 love told me that “it was just some bloke showing his cods off, and displayed on an interesting racking device”.

richardo wrote 5/3/08;

(General nonsense)!

I thought this was a climbing site. Perhaps Mr richardo could limit his excellent posts to the Mousey’s Magical Land of Nonsense thread but perhaps Mr simey is right about the multi-functionality of the internet, and it also is simply a click or two away. Thank you also Mr hero for defending the honour of ladies with your timely advice to him of;
>That's no way to talk about a woman
I think Mr Sabu has summed up well (what I did not see but have read about on subsequent postings), with his Darwinian theory comment, although I would add that in this case it was probably un-natural selection at play. I see also another thread there dealing with such things anyway.

My, my. All this talk about sport climbing equipment and recipes!
Derek my love reckons not to cook bolts though, as this is what they will end up like if you do;

Well dearies, I must go and help Derek sort his climbing photos (including some that he has been hiding from me!), because he tells me that he is compiling quite a show to present to Chockstone when and if he is ever allowed back in to display it. I do find it hard to understand why men are so stubborn sometimes, as us girls usually don't find it hard to make amends! Maybe all that testosterone is what makes for the ongoing sport vs trad etc flame wars? as it really is quite seldom that the ladies contribute to those threads.
10:31:38 PM
Scandinavians are often stereotyped as having no humour. I apologise if my "extra humour" has upset
you MrsM10.

You f---ing bitch.

5:17:26 PM
On 12/03/2008 Mr richardo wrote:
>Scandinavians are often stereotyped as having no humour. I apologise if
>my "extra humour" has upset
>you MrsM10.
>You f---ing bitch.
Derek and I see no humour in any of your posts. Lots of fantasy perhaps, but no humour.
By your standards you are Scandinavian ?
I think you do those wonderful folk an injustice with such stereotyping.
I am not upset but I think I will choose to ignore your posts in the future, as I do not see anything worthwhile in those that you have posted so far.

28 posts and 21 years old. Goodness me, some people wish for the same ratio in their climbing grades! It may be a sign of your immaturity perhaps, but I can see why threads like "Can't we all just go climbing..." start up, as it is contributions like yours that make people feel that way.
In fact that is an excellent suggestion by Mr JimboV10. I shall pack the thermos and some cake and go down to the local headland for a bouldering-picnic session !
mikl law
1:01:05 PM
The Infamous Eagles Joke
You should be warned that the following joke can be infuriating. It is said that it was used at Cambridge University as an intelligence test for undergraduates - those that got it were intelligent. If you get it - well done. If you don't get it - well neither do most people when they hear it.

Two climbers were climbing roped together in the Scottish Highlands. They saw some eagles soaring above them. Later the climbers slipped over the edge of a precipice and unfortunately plunged to their deaths.

Their souls left their mortal bodies and ascended to heaven. As they rose they saw the same eagles and one soul cried out to them, 'Ah - Eagles'.

But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.
4:10:32 PM
I don't see how having a british accent is any sign of intelligence?
4:50:18 PM
On 14/03/2008 mikl law wrote:
> 'Ah - Eagles'.
>But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.

Like it! :-)

4:55:17 PM
On 14/03/2008 hero wrote:
>I don't see how having a british accent is any sign of intelligence?

Now that is funny.
9:33:26 PM
There was a man that couldn't speak properly and he went in to a bakery, he asked the baker for a bum and the baker said politly "I think you mean a bun", yes the man said.
then the man went into the hardware store and asked for a f*cket. "ah sir i think you mean a bucket, yes the man said.
After that harware the man goes to the pet shop and asks for a
c#ck-and-spank-it. "Excuse me sir!" I hope you meant c--kerspaniel. yes the man said

after he paid the lady he was walking out of the pet shop and the c--kerspaniel jumped out of his arms and ran away..
He then said to the person standing next to him.
Will you hold my Bum and F*cket while i catch my c#ck-and-spank-it..

I think that joke is great..... cause its the only one i can remember!
11:57:14 AM
Your avatar might be but your joke is not.

Into the mix:

Why do elephants drink?

To forget.

2:47:33 PM
Mr hero wrote;
>Why do elephants drink?

>To forget.

That's right dear Mr hero, and here is another example to heed when relying on an elephants memory.

While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully.
He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply imbedded. As carefully and as gently as he can he removes the thorn and the elephant gingerly puts its foot down. The elephant turns to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stares at him.
For a good ten minutes the man stands frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant turns and walks away. For years after the man often remembers and ponders the events of that day ....
One day the man is walking through the zoo with his son. As they approach the elephant enclosure, one of the elephants turns and walks over to where they are standing at the rail. It stares at him and the man can't help wondering if this is the same elephant.
The man climbs tentatively over the railing and makes his way into the enclosure. He walks right up to the elephant and stares back in wonder.
Suddenly the elephant wraps its trunk around one of the man's legs and pummels him wildly back and forth along the railing, instantly killing him.
Probably not the same elephant then ......................

3:10:00 PM
ahh it's good to have a chuckle!

3:57:01 PM
>The Infamous Eagles Joke.

Good one Mr mikl law.
I must admit it took me quite a while to figure it out, and the answer was a little coarse when I finally got it, but I did enjoy the riddle aspect of it; unlike Derek my M10 love, who has given up in frustration already and says he likes Mr heros jokes better.
You have however prompted him being as he is an old eagle lover from way back, to ask me to (incite some X -No, no, cross that out) post the following joke on his behalf.

Two climbers one trad and the other sport, died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer’s down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans. What’ll it be?”
The trad climber says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above Arapiles.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first climber.
The sport climber mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?” “No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing. The week’s a freebie.”
“In that case,” says the sport climber, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second climber disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two climbers. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over Arapiles, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”
“Why?” asketh the Lord.
St. Peter answered, “He’s on a dog collar, somewhere in NSW, though if I am lucky he could be at a crag which would cut the search list down somewhat.”

11:54:50 PM
While we're on animal jokes:

Declan the Crab

Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.

"We can't see each other anymore...." she sobbed.

"Why?" gasped Declan.

"Daddy says crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you, a mere crab and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean... and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."

Declan was shattered and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.

That night, the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne.

Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor...and all could see that he was walking not sideways, but FORWARDS, one claw after another! Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush.

Finally, the crab spoke:

"F**k me, I'm pissed"

12:54:26 PM
Hmmm, being inebriated.
I think Derek my M10 love and Mr hero may have much in common regarding enjoyable past-times and that is why Derek likes his humour so much?
I was just discussing with Derek that as the Easter break is coming up and plenty of people are likely to be travelling, I thought it would be a timely reminder to folk who visit this site to take as much care on the roads as when leading a difficult climb. He suggested that since many would miss this Friday on Chockstone (Friday Funnies), that I post early the following joke he found (perverse sandbagging humour that he has), to lighten the mood and get us to think about safety in a fun way.

One foggy night, a Trad climber is heading north from Victoria and a Sport climber is driving south from NSW. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars. The Sport climber manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!" Likewise, the Trad climber gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived. The Sport climber walks over to the Trad climber and says, "Hey mate, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals." The Trad climber thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck." The Trad climber pops open his boot and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Bundy Rum. He says to the Sport climber, "I think this is another sign we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Sport climber agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, he hands it back to the Trad climber and says, "Your turn!" The Trad climber calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

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There are 1237 messages in this topic.


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