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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

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Author
Friday Funnies

sabu
8-Apr-2005
4:07:01 PM
hmmm no fun if no smut !!!! arguement : it's funny!
PrincessFingers
8-Apr-2005
4:12:40 PM
To all Chockstone Readers,

I would sincerely like to apologise if any of my postings have offended any you in any way.

I will carefully consider what I post here from now on, though my only goal for today was to leave a smile or two ( or perhaps something to silently giggle to on your way home this evening).

I will not take offence if I am to be barred from posting here, though I will be disappointed.


Again, my apologies.
dalai
8-Apr-2005
4:24:15 PM
On 8/04/2005 sabu wrote:
>hmmm no fun if no smut !!!! arguement : it's funny!

But then Chockstone gets boring because most of the members will have access to this site blocked....

sabu
8-Apr-2005
4:28:19 PM
wow i didn't think they were so rude they required an apology... guess thats my fault ey? .ok srry if any of my posts hav offended any conservative ppl out ther i promise to tone it down a little! just wanted to get a laugh out of ya!

sabu
8-Apr-2005
4:30:34 PM
On 8/04/2005 dalai wrote:
>On 8/04/2005 sabu wrote:
>>hmmm no fun if no smut !!!! arguement : it's funny!
>
>But then Chockstone gets boring because most of the members will have
>access to this site blocked....

ok yea true. i take that back

mousey
8-Apr-2005
4:32:43 PM
well for those of you who find smut to be acceptable viewing material during work hours,email me and ill give you some links.

billk
8-Apr-2005
5:15:49 PM
I'd be pretty amazed if any Chockstoners were really offended. Some IT managers looking over our shoulders may pretend to be - especially those who like to throw their weight around.

BTW: I had an email about climbing on Camels Hump this weekend blocked by a spam filter yesterday. I'm also constantly getting work-related emails blocked, as are many colleagues. IT managers seem to prefer clamping down on "smut" to enabling us to get our work done.

sabu
8-Apr-2005
5:19:27 PM
of course... not that many climbers i've met (if any) would be offended

Tav
30-May-2005
8:34:05 PM
On 8/04/2005 sabu wrote:
>an email i got called "Always Concentrate"
>
>WIFE: >What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? > >
>HUSBAND: >Definitely not! > >
>WIFE: >Why not - don't you like being married? > >
>HUSBAND: >Of course I do. > >
>WIFE: >Then why wouldn't you remarry? > >
>HUSBAND: >Okay, I'd get married again. > >
>WIFE: >You would? (with a hurtful look on her face). > >
>HUSBAND: >(makes audible groan). > >
>WIFE: >Would you live in our house? > >
>HUSBAND:Sure, it's a great house. > >
>WIFE: >Would you sleep with her in our bed? > >
>HUSBAND: >Where else would we sleep? > >
>WIFE: >Would you let her drive my car? > >
>HUSBAND: >Probably, it is almost new. > >
>WIFE: >Would you replace my pictures with hers? > >
>HUSBAND: >That would seem like the proper thing to do. > >
>WIFE: >Would she use my golf clubs? > >
>HUSBAND: >No, she's left-handed. > >
>WIFE: >- - - silence - - > >
>HUSBAND: >F*ck
>

Yeah sabu, I know I'm good. ; )
mikl law
31-May-2005
2:32:42 AM

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what she's reading."

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
-- Dick Cavett

The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
-- Fyodor Dostoevsky

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.
-- David Frost
mikl law
31-May-2005
2:35:59 AM
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls the vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.

The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take effect, and loads them into the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. "One more try," he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud.

"No," she says, "they are all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."


Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
-- Thomas Neill

Rupert
3-Jun-2005
6:19:09 PM
Some of these captions are gold:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/krautboy/243291.html
Dave C
3-Jun-2005
6:29:20 PM
There has been a rather vitriolic debate on the merits/demerits of top-roping going on on the UKC forum for a few days now. As a result one of the regulars atarted a Toproping song contest which has produced a few gems. This was the one that started it.

Representing The Anti-TR Brigade, 'The Toproper Song' (sung to tune of Monty Python's 'The Lumberjack Song')

I'm a toproper, and I'm okay.
I cheat up climbs that I’ll lead one day.

(He's a toproper, and he's okay.
He cheats up climbs that he’ll lead one day)

I set up my rope. I chalk my hands.
I romp up some E3.
On Sundays I’m at Stanage
Where there’s thousands just like me.

(He sets up his rope. He chalks his hands.
He romps up some E3.
On Sundays he’s at Stanage
Where there’s thousands just like he)

(He's a toproper, and he's okay.
He cheats up climbs that he’ll lead one day)

I climbed with ease some bold blank wall
That took some tw*t 5 hours.
No time for all that faffin’
With nuts and Rocks and wires

(He climbed with ease some bold blank wall
That took some tw*t five hours
No time for all that faffin’
With nuts and Rocks and wires)

(He's a toproper, and he's okay.
He cheats up climbs that he’ll lead one day)

I shout ‘Take in!’. I like it tight
Suspended in mid air
Oh I wish I had some bollocks
Just like those chaps who dare

(He's a toproper and he’s okay.
He cheats up climbs that he’ll lead one day)

(He's a toproper, and he's okaaaaay.
He cheats up climbs that he’ll lead one day)
Dave C
3-Jun-2005
6:37:33 PM
..and one for the top-ropers out there. Rapped in the style of Eminem's 'Real Slim Shady'. FYI 'Sloper' is the nickname of the UKC regular who is perhaps the most vehement anti-toproper known to man (and also one of my regular partners, for my sins.)

Anyway, here goes......

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention, please. Will the real top-ropers please stand up? I repeat, will the real top-ropers please stand up?

We’re gonna have a problem in here.


Y'all act like you never seen a top-roper before
Your jaws drop like Mallory, like Kurz just burst in through the door
and started to ask why didn’t you save me before?
Like Simon Yates said ‘Hey, what if I haul him?’(Ahh!)
Like Whillans just quipped ‘There’s a nip in the air’
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Trotsky said... nothing you idiots!
Trotsky’s dead, with a weird ice axe placement! (Ha-ha!)

And all you punters love top-ropers,
(chigga chigga chigga)
“Hey, top-ropers, doing their you-know what,
while they polish the holds “, “Yeah, but we’re so bold”.
Yeah, I know you’re probably thinking that it rhymes with ‘anchors’,
But no worse than what’s going on when you set your cams loose
Sometimes I wanna get on a route, and scrabble,
But some smug bastard’s there with his rabble,
‘Cause it’s cool to lead a route in half the time,
“I’ve fallen from the crux, I’ve fallen from the crux,
This polish means it’s f****d”
And that’s the message you deliver to little kids
That it’s cool to fall off if you’ve got a small dick,
Of course they’re gonna think that top-roping don’t cut it –
By the time they get to climbing...
With all your bloody ethics – just shut it!

We ain’t nothing but climbers? Well some of ain’t leaders,
But if you cut us then we’re still bleeders,
And if there’s not a reason to not put up anchors, bolt all the rock and sod all you wankers.,
If leading is the antidote, why don’t you climb without the rope?
Gravity hurts, I suppose?


I’m a top-roper, and I’m hated by Sloper,
All you so-called climbers are just imitating.
So won’t the real top-ropers please stand up?
Please stand up? Please stand up?

Zebedee
3-Jun-2005
6:57:42 PM

>Trotsky’s dead, with a weird ice axe placement! (Ha-ha!)
Fair enough song but I have to say that Trotsky was killed with an 'ice pick' which some people think is another way of saying 'ice axe' but is actually a needle like device that is used to break up ice. Got to be pedantic I just can't stop myself.

IdratherbeclimbingM9
12-Oct-2005
4:03:13 PM
Hexy wrote 10/10/05
>Now, now KP, don't go making assumptionz :P
re a KP post on another thread that got me thinking of this old joke ...
(Yeah I know its not Friday but a light moment never hurt)?

ROOSTERS
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster
for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster
and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of
these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just
let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking
over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you
around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the
entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man.
So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young
rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the
farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about
25 centimetres behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third gay rooster
I bought this month."
Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age and
treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

============
Post edit
Why is this thread in the Chockstone Feedback category?
... could be elsewhere?

Sabu
12-Oct-2005
4:41:07 PM
lol nice one!!

alrob
12-Oct-2005
4:57:52 PM
its not friday

IdratherbeclimbingM9
8-Feb-2008
1:49:28 PM

OK it is Friday again, and since I may have been a bit disparaging of Kiwis in the past I thought I'd give them a leg up for once.

- - - - - - - - - - - - ~> Maori Technology.

~ After having dug to a depth of 10 metres last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, Australian scientists dug to a depth of 20 metres, and shortly after, headlines in the Aussie newspapers read: "Australian archaeologists have found traces of 150 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Brits."

One week later, Maori TV reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 metres in his backyard in Te Kuiti, Hone Waiata, a King Country Kaumatua (Maori elder), reported that he found absolutely nothing. Hone has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Maori had already gone wireless. ~
surfinclimb
10-Feb-2008
11:59:28 AM
On 8/04/2005 nmonteith wrote:
>Just a thought - posts like those contained in this thread is what will
>get Chockstone banned from workplaces. If we try and keep it moderatly
>clean (and climbing related) then all us office workers can keep surfing
>these pages without the fear of it being banned from over-zelous IT managers.

This might sound a little crazy but if youre being paid to work by someone shouldnt you be working and
not goofing off on Chockstone?

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