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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

 Page 59 of 61. Messages 1 to 20 | 21 to 40 | 41 to 60 | 61 to 80 | 81 to 100 | 101 to 120 | 121 to 140 | 141 to 160 | 161 to 180 | 181 to 200 | 201 to 220 | 221 to 240 | 241 to 260 | 261 to 280 | 281 to 300 | 301 to 320 | 321 to 340 | 341 to 360 | 361 to 380 | 381 to 400 | 401 to 420 | 421 to 440 | 441 to 460 | 461 to 480 | 481 to 500 | 501 to 520 | 521 to 540 | 541 to 560 | 561 to 580 | 581 to 600 | 601 to 620 | 621 to 640 | 641 to 660 | 661 to 680 | 681 to 700 | 701 to 720 | 721 to 740 | 741 to 760 | 761 to 780 | 781 to 800 | 801 to 820 | 821 to 840 | 841 to 860 | 861 to 880 | 881 to 900 | 901 to 920 | 921 to 940 | 941 to 960 | 961 to 980 | 981 to 1000 | 1001 to 1020 | 1021 to 1040 | 1041 to 1060 | 1061 to 1080 | 1081 to 1100 | 1101 to 1120 | 1121 to 1140 | 1141 to 1160 | 1161 to 1180 | 1181 to 1200 | 1201 to 1204
Author
Friday Funnies

Eduardo Slabofvic
19-Jul-2014
12:22:44 PM
On 19/07/2014 hero wrote:
>Your parents think you climb Simey? :)

No, they said he "wrote the book". Different things
Dave_S
26-Jul-2014
10:31:17 AM
It's still Friday somewhere. This girl's going to make quite a climber.


MrsM10iswhereitsat.
1-Aug-2014
3:25:30 PM
Yoo hoo Mr M9, I notice that you seem to be going on about 'back in your day' a bit lately.

Derek my M10 love, asked me to tell you that when he were a lad he was so poor that he considered himself lucky to be born a boy, otherwise he wouldn't have had anything to play with!

Unlike some others on this site, I am sure you don't want to be bored with his details, so I will leave it at that for now dearie, other than to say that these things have a lot to do with ones perceptions on life.

Here are some other examples, if you have not got his drift yet.



Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up.
Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.
Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.
The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some good news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone.
"Well, give me the good news first," replied the other.
"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.
"And the bad news?"
"Mine died," said his mate.




Did you hear about the flasher in Natimuk the other day?

There were three really old boulderers who were sitting on a park bench with their mats nearby having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the boulderers, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

The youngest of the elderly boulderers immediately had a stroke.

Then the next youngest, also had a stroke.

But the curly haired eldest, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.



After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend then?' he continues.
'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.'






shortman
1-Aug-2014
3:43:18 PM
Good form MrsM10...
martym
1-Aug-2014
6:03:30 PM
Shouldn't this be in the Nowra thread?

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
15-Aug-2014
3:49:31 PM
On 1/08/2014 martym wrote:
>Shouldn't this be in the Nowra thread?

No Mr martym. Are you some kind of sicko?
- but I do see how it would apply to all things Nowra, and the sickness would fit right in.



Yoo hoo Mr kieranl, waving at you madly from over here dearie.
I notice from a post of yours this week that you are quite, how shall I say it; ... sincere; . . . in your response to dealing with an unconscious abseiler incident.

Derek my M10 love says that use of that kind of language, is just a bloke thing.
In an effort to convince me, he told me the following things (see below), but I am still not convinced.
Maybe you can relate to many of these precepts for life?



Paddy goes into a Dublin Florist shop and says,
"I would like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend".
The florist looked at him and said, "Certainly Sir, what is it you're after?"
"A root ", Paddy replies.
(I think Derek has told me that one before)?


Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or root it...
Piss on it and walk away.


Derek heard that Mr ODH saw a fortune teller the other day. She told him he would come into some money.
Later he heard that he rooted a sheila called Penny - spooky or what?


Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.


The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quick bout of love making, with their 8-year old son in the apartment, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a root!'
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar' ...


Are you feeling romantic Mr k? Perhaps you are you a rose fan?

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says 'I have had a lovely time.
You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful climbing rose. May I call on you tomorrow?'
She agrees and a date is made.
The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.
He is stunned. 'What was that for?' he asked.
She said 'I looked up beautiful climbing rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said ‘Best suited for rooting against a brick wall or fence, no good in an open bed’.



Ok, if you are not feeling romantic perhaps you need a beer, but be careful of what you find on the fridge...



An uncouth bloke got home from work and found the missus had left a post-it note on the fridge saying;

"It's no good, it's not working, I'm staying at mums for a while."

He opened it, the light came on, and the beer was well chilled.

f--- knows what she was on about?



Derek tells me that if none of the above relates to your life experience, then you have only got yourself to blame, as it just means you couldn't organise a root in a brothel.

I am still not sure I agree with him.

BA
18-Aug-2014
12:36:59 PM
http://biggeekdad.com/2014/08/wing-suit-flyer-meets-maker/

IdratherbeclimbingM9
18-Aug-2014
8:19:35 PM
On 18/08/2014 BA wrote:
>http://biggeekdad.com/2014/08/wing-suit-flyer-meets-maker/
>
Laughed at that...
Pesky mousey type wingsuiters gnats...

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
3-Nov-2014
2:39:06 PM
Moving right along again even though it is amazing how climbing trips away can deviate you from the normal humdrum of Chockerstone life, so hello again dear Chockerstone lovelies.

Spring is sprung, and despite the VCC being off playing at Araps on this horse race weekend, I hope you all have a lovely weekend climbing there, or wherever you are dearies.

Derek my M10 love wishes me to add the following alert to the next part of this post:
Warning feedback beta follows.
Yoo hoo Mr M9. You wrote on photo of the week a while back about "On The Prow" 27, at Hoppy's Cave, Bulahdelah, NSW, that it might go at
>“it does look to me like it could be aided at a medium level of grade difficulty, perhaps M4/M5 depending on rock quality. I only mention this (not to suggest aiding it), to support my belief that it would take enough gear into it to achieve doing it in clean-aid style. It would be an adventure done in that fashion due spaced and finangly bodyweight stuff likely involved in a couple of places...”

Well Mr M9, Derek my M10 love and I can now give you first hand feedback that we reckon it is only M3 clean-aid for grade. Any spiciness it might have once had is hugely devalued by the number of bolts in it.

OK dearies, back on topic again as this is supposed to be the funnies thread and I noticed in recent posts that Mr simey is still fascinated by The Hole, and that Mr Eduardo is too cobwebby to discount it as a spiders only route place.

Holes are fascinating aren’t they dearies? I think I can begin to understand Mr simeys obsession with them as they come in all forms.

For examples;

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says to her on the phone, "I bet you have a tight ass-hole with little hair."
Woman replies, "Yes, Edweirdo's reading the Mentz-Tempest Araps Climbing Guide, looking in vain for his routes, - who shall I say is calling?"

And recently a hole was found in the Horsham nudist-camp wall. I hear that the police are still looking into it.

Mr stugangs wife came out of the bathroom and said. "I have just shaved my pussy and you know what that means don't you"?
He said. "Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again"!


Be that as it may dearies, Derek my M10 love tells me that sex is a necessary part of a healthy diet. I am also led to believe that Rye Bread can also be an essential ingredient to good health.


Two old guys (Mr M9 and Mr Kuu?), one 70 and one 76, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 76-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 76-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves."

She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."




Mildred came home early and found her partner (we shall call him simey), in their bedroom trying to make love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful boulderer pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful spotter and the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want to get out right away!"

And simey replied, "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead,' Mildred sobbed, but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And simey began -- "Well, I was getting into the car at sham k-mart to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car".

"I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the leftover Bean Chilli fajitas from the Nati Cafe made last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer Arcteryx jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the North Face underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy Petzl blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those kinky M75 style boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same."

simey took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said",
"Please ... Do you have anything else that Mildred doesn't use?"






Mildred didn’t buy it, so simey tried again.



simey said ok, I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing.
I am on the second hole when I notice a frog sitting next to the green.

I thinks nothing of it and am about to shoot when I hear,
‘Ribbit 9 Iron.'

simey looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'
He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom!
He hits it 10 inches (a significant length!), from the cup.
He is shocked.
He says to the frog,
'Wow that's amazing..
You must be a lucky frog he asks?

The frog replies,
'Ribbit Lucky frog.'
simey decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

'What do you think frog?'
simey asks.
'Ribbit 3 wood.'

simey takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one...
simey is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, simey golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,
'OK where to next?'
The frog replies,
'Ribbit Melbourne casino ..
' They go to Melbourne casino and simey says,

'OK frog, now What?'
The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'
Upon approaching the roulette table, simey asks,
'What do you think I should bet?'
The frog replies
'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game simey figures what the heck.

Boom!
Tons of chips come sliding back across the table.
simey takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel.
He sits the frog down and says,
'Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'

The frog replies,
'Ribbit Kiss Me.'

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for Him, he deserves it..
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 25-year-old girl.

'And that, Mildred, is how the girl ended up in my room.
So help me God or my name is not simey'.





Derek tells me wtf? Mr simey doesn't need an excuse to be lame!
I am not so sure dearies, what do you think?

kuu
3-Nov-2014
3:00:45 PM
On 3/11/2014 MrsM10iswhereitsat. wrote:
>
snip
>
>Two old guys (Mr M9 and Mr Kuu?), one 70 and one 76, were sitting on a
>park bench one morning.
>
>The 76-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short
>of breath.
>
>The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he
>did to have so much energy.
>
>The 76-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
>energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
>
>So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking
>around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help.
>
>He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
>
>She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
>
>He said, "I want five loaves."
>
>She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
>it'll be hard."
>
>He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."
>
snip
>

Hi Mrs M10, picture me giving you a rye (sic) grin !!

;-)

IdratherbeclimbingM9
3-Nov-2014
3:34:57 PM
Thanks Mrs M10 (& Derek), for the feedback re On The Prow at Buhladelah, as an aid climb.


On 3/11/2014 kuu wrote:
>On 3/11/2014 MrsM10iswhereitsat. wrote:
>>
>snip
>>
>>Two old guys (Mr M9 and Mr Kuu?), one 70 and one 76, were sitting on a park bench one morning.
>>
>>The 76-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
>>
>>The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
>>
>>The 76-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
>>energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
>>
snip
>
>Hi Mrs M10, picture me giving you a rye (sic) grin !!
>
>;-)

Mmmmm rye bread.
~> Many an adventure has floundered due to lack of rye bread!!
Heh, heh, heh.

Hmm.
With Mrs M10's home truths, kuu has continued on his mentorship role to the up and coming (includes me), generations...
;-)

Stugang
3-Nov-2014
3:49:44 PM
What's so funny about that--bloody annoying when it's happens.

IdratherbeclimbingM9
3-Nov-2014
3:52:34 PM
On 3/11/2014 Stugang wrote:
>What's so funny about that--bloody annoying when it's happens.

Why would you be pissed about two old fart climbers sitting on a park bench discussing the merits of rye bread?
;-)





Oh, you mean shaved pussies?
~> Yeah, much better to drown feral cats instead...

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
14-Nov-2014
1:27:55 PM
Hello again Chockerstone lovelies.
Yoo hoo Mr M9, as a kindred spirit you are more than welcome to the aid feedback.
I notice that you like the bikes with motors, so have found a couple of funnies for you too dearie.


A boulderer appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the boulderer offered.
'On a trip out the back of Horsham in Western Victoria, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.

I asked them very nicely to leave her alone, but the mongrels wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and slapped him on the face, kicked him on the bottom, knocked his bike over, pulled out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
Then I yelled, 'Now, back off you bastards or I'll do the same to all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'A couple of minutes ago’, said the boulderer.






One day a man decided to retire.

He booked himself on a Pacific cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank about a year ago."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from another tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf.
As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.

Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a whisky neat?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "You've built a motorbike as well?”






On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new motorbike.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
After tying the other end to the rear of the farmer's bike, the chicken then rode slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the bike back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? (yes, you bet, there is a moral!)
When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a motorbike to pick up chicks.











Yoo hoo Mr gnaguts, waving at you madly from over here dearie. Derek my M10 love tells me that it seems you were once a Nowra-ite, but even though you might have left he knows you will appreciate these funnies he told me, because he tells me you can take the bogan out of Nowra but can’t remove the Nowra out of the bogan, or something to that effect.
Please forgive him if you have heard some of them before.


A Nowra girl goes to the welfare office to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the welfare officer.
"Ten" replies the Nowra girl,
"Ten?" says the welfare worker.
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Nowra girl, "It's great because if they are out playing in the street, I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!'
or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it.”
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious welfare worker.
"That's easy," says the Nowra girl... "I just use their surnames"

A Nowra girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take that red one."
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."

Q. What do you call a 27 year old Nowra girl?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Nowra girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What does a Nowra girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.

Q. There are two Nowra girls in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman.

Q. What's the most confusing day in Nowra ?
A. Father's day

Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Nowra ?
A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!

Police cordoned off Nowra City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car. It later turned out to be a tax disc.



Gnaguts
14-Nov-2014
7:19:51 PM
Thanks MrsM10, I think.
I will think of you next time I avoid nowra.

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
12-Dec-2014
11:50:31 AM
Yes Mr gnaguts avoid Nowra if you can. Derek my M10 love tells me that he has heard interesting things about the place after being prompted by reading some of your posts. He asked me to share them with you sometime, so here they are;



You're A Nowraitian When:

1 You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2 The book value of your ute goes up and down depending on how much petrol is in it.

3 You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4 You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5 You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6 Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7 You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8 Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9 Your high school dance offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the National Anthem are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.


Two Nowra bogans in a caravan park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Holden plant.
After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your caravan Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off fishtin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

Bogan said “I hate all this terrorist crap. I miss the days when you could look at an unattended bag and think to yourself, 'I'm gonna take that''.

There's a new camera out with such a quick shutter speed that it's possible to take a pic of a Nowra girl with her mouth shut.

Bogan came outta the fish shop with a hamburger and chips. A poor, homeless bloke said ''I've not eaten in 3 days''. Bogan said ''I wish I had your willpower''.

After a fat girl served Bogan at Maccas she said ''Sorry about the wait''. Bogan just said ''Don't worry, you may find a way to lose it eventually''.

Underage chick looked at bogans beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Tooheys or VB?"
Bogan said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

Bogan was talking to a girl in the pub last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
Bogan said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Bogan was telling a girl in the pub about his ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
Bogan said, "Yesterday."

Bogan got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard yelled at him so loud, he nearly fell in.

Bogan went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. Bogan said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"
Bogan said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Bogan was flicking through his local newspaper after unwrapping his chips and came across an advertisement saying "ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000" So bogan called them up and said "The answer is Minus $5,000."

Q. Why did the bogan cross the road?
A. His dick was stuck in the chicken.

DJ - "G'day mate, Aussie Helpline...What's the problem cobber?"
Bogan caller - "I'm in Nowra with my sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."
DJ - "Bummer mate!"
Bogan caller - "Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that, Bye."

Sometimes Derek wearies me greatly with his crudeness but I accept that when it comes to him describing bogans, as there really is no other way to do it, is there dearies?





On a more interesting note in the would be Nowra sister township out in the Wimmera an interesting event happened at that towns western outpost as I overheard recently.


In the great days of the Arapiles Climbing Empire, a new climbing Demigod with pen in hand to write The Book, was sent to the Natimuk outpost to relieve the retiring Trad Master.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (latte at the cafe, lubing the slcd’s, etc) which protocol decrees, the retiring Trad Master said, "You must meet my disciple, Estuardo, He's my right-hand man and is really the strength of this outpost.
His talent is simply boundless."

Estuardo was summoned and introduced to the new Demigod, who was surprised to meet a rotund haggard hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall, and a truly worthy candidate for title of Boulderer.
"Estuardo, old man, tell your new Demigod about yourself."

''Well, sir, I graduated with honours from kindergarten, joined the Nati Rams and won the Averagest and Fairest award after three seasons battling the opposition goalposts.
I've represented Golden Goat in the greatest endurance event of all time, and won a Silver Spoon in the drought-weight division of the Nati Lake Dust Throwing Olympics. I have researched the history of....."

At that point, the Trad Master interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Estuardo, he can find all that in your file.
Tell him about the day you told the Horsham witch doctor to fluck off.”




ajfclark
11-Apr-2015
8:27:50 AM
Perfect bike for boulderers:
PDRM
21-Aug-2015
1:34:59 PM
 photo FV0go_zpsx0ye75vl.jpg
hero
24-Aug-2015
2:10:50 PM
I think it's a funny image but I'm a little confused by this (and I know I'm taking it too literally but, as there are no holds above the urinal you would have to stiff arm off the lip of said urinal to get your penis high enough (yes, room for large penis joke here .....) or hold the slopey slimy top of the urinal at your waist, or is it a double gaston?

Maybe it's just a place for boulderers to drink?

Duang Daunk
24-Aug-2015
4:09:03 PM
On 24/08/2015 hero wrote:
>I think it's a funny image but I'm a little confused by this (and I know
>I'm taking it too literally but, as there are no holds above the urinal
>you would have to stiff arm off the lip of said urinal to get your penis
>high enough (yes, room for large penis joke here .....) or hold the slopey
>slimy top of the urinal at your waist, or is it a double gaston?
>
>Maybe it's just a place for boulderers to drink?
>
The sit start is pretty bad for that boulder problem since I missed the urinal beside it after I got a scare when I noticed cuzzy Edweirdo creeping up behind me.
He claimed he was only there to read the dunny door messages.
Yeh right.
I think you lot would agree with me too after counting the doors in that pic.

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