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Cage Match Revisited - Denial and Religion 14-Dec-2009 At 8:34:26 AM hero

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On the concept of God as a climber. From an old THE magazine.

‘I first met God at Arapiles. Or should I say Him as his son. I was never really good with the concept of trinity and stuff. Never believed in God neither. That is till I met him.

I was walking up Central gully, up past Feral Chicken, when I ran into Paul coming down. We exchanged the normal climbing small talk; How’s it going...watch'a been doing...where you off to? You know, the in depth stuff.

There was this guy with him, really goofy looking. Big floral shorts and a white singlet that said `Just Do Me'. Paul said "Oh James, I'd like you to meet God." He's from the states. And smiled. When ever any one says that to me it's like being given a ticket to a big sarcasm festival.
"Yeah" I said "Garth, was that your name."
"No dude. It's God. G - O - D. Like Dog backwards."
"Whew. You still talk to your parents?"
"I never had any." Matter of factly.
"Sorry man" I said.

Paul took me aside. "James, this really is God. You know. G -O - D. god. God. Like in the ads in TV.
"Bull sh1t Paul. You know there is no such thing as God."
"James, I'm telling you...Watch. Hey God."
"Yeah Paul."
"What about a little evidence for my friend here?"
"No problem," God said. "Follow me." We did.

We walked around to the front of XI pinnacle. Paul turned to God. "The kiddies have been a bit silly about this climb God. Putting bolts in and chopping them out."
"Aw, bogus man."
"Is there any thing you can do to fix it?" asked Paul.
"No problemo" said God, "All done."
"What's all done?" I enquired.
"All the bolt scars at Arapiles are healed." said God.
"Yeah, like I'll just solo up here and check shall I?"
"If you'd like man" said GOD.
"If I could solo XI, that would be a miracle. I'm not convinced. I'd like a more tangible miracle, if you can possible manage it."
"Ouch. Paul, your friend's lack of faith does hurt me...but, it you want..."

Just around from us some young guys had been setting up a top rope of Strolling. They'd got it all ready and one was tied in. Suddenly he said. "You know, fvck this. I'm sick of this boring top roping stuff. I'd like to lead something."
"You mean lead this" his friend said.
"No, I mean lead something I can do onsight. Lets see. I can climb 29 in the gym...I'll go and try a fifteen. And I better make it a crack so I can find protection."
"Sounds like fun. Count me in. I'm sick of all this sport climbing bull sh1t anyway." Off they walked to pull the ropes.

I turned to Paul and God. "OK. I'm convinced. Pleased to meet you God."
Paul said "I'm starved. Let's stop for lunch."
"Excellent" said God. "He pulled out a piece of orange peel from his pack and turned it into three Shish Tavuks and a six pack of Old."
"Wow" I said, to no one in particular. "This guy's really good."
"No" said Paul, "This guy's really God.