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Friday Funnies 3-May-2013 At 4:12:04 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Dearie me Mr kieranl, you do seem out of sorts lately.
That's alright dearie, along with the pacemakers, most of the old posters that frequent this site suffer from incontinence and have Alzheimer’s to boot. So five minutes after they've gotten all angry and agitated, they don't remember what they had the poops about in the first place.
Perhaps you might like the following funny better?

At dawn the telephone rings,

"Hello, Señor Bob ? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your Blue Mountains house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob , that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Señor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob .."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Señor Bob .."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Señor Bob , he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Señor Bob ."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Señor Bob .."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Señor Bob . She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your sportclimbers stick-clipper, the one with the graphite shaft."

SILENCE...........

LONG SILENCE.........

VERY LONG SILENCE............

"Ernesto, if you broke that stick-clipper, you're in deep shit."