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Petzl: D11 "Rappel Rack". For use with 1 or 2 ropes. Diameters from 9mm to 13mm. Two red fixed bars make for easy threading. SUPER Special!  $119.00
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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

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Author
Friday Funnies

DaCrux
21-Jan-2011
2:02:33 PM
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years when by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts in. Some time later she heard her husband wake and let rip the usual trouser trumpet which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.""What do you mean?" asked his wife."Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
daave
4-Feb-2011
7:22:14 AM
A shirtless, beanied boulder and a bearded, scraggly aid climber in NZ, were walking along the access trail to a crag. With the weather perfect for any form of climbing, the pair stumbled across a sheep with its head stuck firmly in a wire fence.

Now, the quick thinking boulder thought to himself “Holy moly, Christmas has come early this year” and proceeded to take advantage of the sheep as his focus on bouldering had left him without the fitness to actually catch a sheep for himself.

As the baahing came to an end, the boulder zipped up his jeans, turned to the aid climber and asked, “I’m finished with it mate, sure you don’t want to get yourself some of that?”

The aid climber, looking excited, nodded, knelt down and stuck his head through the wire fence...
widewetandslippery
4-Feb-2011
3:25:04 PM
that is funny

pmonks
6-Feb-2011
1:23:50 PM
The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here".
A time traveler walks into a bar.

IdratherbeclimbingM9
6-Feb-2011
8:33:24 PM
On 4/02/2011 ww&s wrote:
>that is funny

~> Agreed, in a weird sort of way!



On 6/02/2011 pmonks wrote:
>The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here".
>A time traveler walks into a bar.

AWESOMELY obtuse pm!
Heh, heh, heh.

freesolo
6-Feb-2011
11:06:25 PM
from obtuse to zen:

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What'll you have?"

ajfclark
7-Feb-2011
7:06:12 AM
If a tree falls in a forest and it hits a mime, does the mime make a sound?

kuu
7-Feb-2011
8:50:49 AM
On 7/02/2011 ajfclark wrote:
>If a tree falls in a forest and it hits a mime, does the mime make a sound?

Yes, a dull thus when their body hits the ground.
Godless
10-Feb-2011
4:31:25 PM
a dull 'thus'

another quite surreal joke

but the best jokes are over on the jesus thread

but just to lighten the day

Simey enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. He drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, he grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's Eduardo. "I'll give it a try," he says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

Eduardo Slabofvic
10-Feb-2011
10:37:55 PM
On 10/02/2011 Godless wrote:
>a dull 'thus'
>

A bar goes into Godless ............

kuu
11-Feb-2011
12:19:19 AM
On 7/02/2011 kuu wrote:
>
>Yes, a dull thus when their body hits the ground.

Sorry, keystroke error. I meant to write 'thud'.

It makes more sense if written thus.

sbm
11-Feb-2011
11:28:59 AM
TYPES OF CLIMBER:

martym
11-Feb-2011
10:42:13 PM
On 11/02/2011 davidn wrote:
>And 9 mm ropes are frickin huge for a sport climber, arent they?

Really? Most sport climbers bawk at me using a single strand of double rope; they're about 8.6mm
daave
11-Feb-2011
11:30:22 PM
So it's still friday yes? Excellent

Here's a little song for our all time favourite Chockstoner...One day Hero...

http://gobarbra.com/hit/new-1ec454b2f0b91d5425fa7967c350eaf1


salty crag
12-Feb-2011
9:29:28 AM
Shit! already got the tune stuck in my head, gonna be a long day

pmonks
12-Feb-2011
9:35:48 AM
A man walked into a bar.
He was vision impaired.

IdratherbeclimbingM9
12-Feb-2011
9:47:22 AM
... cue, sound of one hand clapping?
Heh, heh, heh.

ajfclark
12-Feb-2011
2:13:24 PM
hahahaha How'd I miss that yesterday?

freesolo
12-Feb-2011
7:45:38 PM
a woman walked into a bar. the men did not stop watching footie.

Gavo
25-Feb-2011
11:40:22 AM
http://www.bond-diamonds.com/fark/index_files/China3.jpg

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