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Friday Funnies 6-Nov-2009 At 1:36:49 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Are you trying to hijack this wonderful thread Mr WM? Not having much success are you dearie? Perhaps the chockerstoners are still in Lovely Long Weekend Out Nati Way mode?

It is not that way for some though.

A LIVING WILL...................

Last night, Derek my M10 love and I were sitting in the living room.

He said to me, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens to me, just pull the plug."

So I got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out his beer.

Menopause can be such a bitch.....

I must have been upset with Derek to do that to him. Maybe it was because he insists on plying me with blonde jokes. I swear I have heard so many by now that I don't know what I have shared already and what I haven't. Here are some of them and I will let you decide, while I share a cybercuppa with Mr kuu and ponder for a bit.

HELLOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo

Two blondes living in Katoomba were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away.... Victoria or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Victoria ?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her Volvo into a service station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and now today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on a Melbourne freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel is knitting!

Realising that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the copper wound down his window, turned on his loudhailer and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

PETS

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO....," answered the blond... "They're watch dogs!"

Enough of the blonde nonsense. Hands up dearies, who went to the Nati Fringe?
By all accounts it was a raging success. I even heard that the Nati Café which is now open on a Claytons basis did very well for itself too.
Later it was reported that a famous curly haired café owner was touring the Horsham countryside in a chauffeur-driven car when suddenly, a bull jumped out onto the road, and they hit it full on, with the car coming to a stop. Café owner in his usual charming manner says to the chauffeur:

"You get out and check - you were driving."

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.

"You were driving; go and tell the farmer," says Café owner.

Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you?" asks Café owner.

The chauffeur replies:
"When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of vintage Port, the wife gave me a slap-up meal, and the daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks Café owner.

"I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them: I'm Café owner's chauffeur and I've just killed the old bull."

I wonder if he felt frustrated about that?

My good friend Mildred advised me about a great 8 step visualisation meditation that people can try when other people get frustrating. She tells me it really works.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. The warm sun is on your back.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air and the breeze is gently rustling in the leaves.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

8. Let the bubbles drift to the surface. Relax and let the tension go.