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Friday Funnies 24-Apr-2009 At 4:23:05 PM MrsM10iswhereitsat.

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Is all this global money thing getting you down?
Well dearies if you are 50 or over then Derek tells me that the solution is to hand as he found this media announcement today.

Dear People of Australia,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be R.A.P.E.D can apply to the government to be eligible
for the S.H.A.F.T. scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been R.A.P.E.D and S.H.A.F.T.ED will be reviewed under the S.C.R.E.W. program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be R.A.P.E.D once, S.H.A.F.T.ED twice and S.C.R.E.W.ED as many times as the government deems appropriate.

Only persons who have been R.A.P.E.D can get A.I.D.S. (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously, persons who have A.I.D.S. or H.E.R.P.E.S. will not be S.H.A.F.T.ED or S.C.R.E.W.ED any further by the government.

Persons who are not R.A.P.E.D and are staying on, will receive as much
S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

The government has always prided itself in the amount of S.H.I.T. it gives out.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough S.H.I.T., please bring this to
the attention of your local MP.

They have been trained to give you all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Sincerely,

Australian Govenrment
Canberra

Derek says it is nearly enough to make young boulderers want to get to 50 in a hurry, but he tells me that our local MP does this as a past time !!!