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World Climbing - Book Competition 8-Nov-2005 At 6:50:13 PM sticky

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Shamelessly stealing from a famous letter:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.

I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.

I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas and I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.

I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.

But now I have torn my tendon pulleys. And I cannot climb rock.