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Author

Impersonate a Chocky Mini Rocks Comp Extraveganza

Wendy

18-Dec-2009
10:56:27 PM

SOLD


Chuck Norris

19-Dec-2009
12:00:13 AM

It has come to my attention that not a single person other than me (who it was that wrote them) has read the Chockstone policy and guidelines. I have PM'd and also banned countless thousands of transgressors yet they still transgress. Someone recently even called that buttercup cuddly fellow "wallwombat" an arsehole! Yet the word arsehole is forbidden under item 17.2 of the policy and guidelines. The guidelines are resonable because they grant exceptions if the word arsehole is accompanied with a nauseating number of smiley faces or digital equivalent (smiley face is a defined term under the policy. see item 17.2 Attachment 7 for what is defined as a digital equivalent to a smiley face).

As it is clear that nobody takes me, the ultimate authority, seriously I have chosen to ban everybody including myself from this forum. Google advertisements have been exempted.


Sabu

19-Dec-2009
12:48:27 AM

Hey guys just letting you all know that I'm leaving this forum and not ever going to post
here again. It was fun but I'm tired of living under everyone's shadow including simon and
hex so i'm going to break out on my own and live a clean life away from you bickering
forum addicts. As you can see I have already changed my location and email to
something mysterious in preparation for my sudden departure.

Ok i'm going to stop posting.

Starting...... now.

wait....

now.

* 2 minutes later*

Hey guys how's it going, yea its me and no i didn't change my user name for dramatic
effect....


GravityHound

19-Dec-2009
8:14:00 AM

Hello Chockstone dearies

Well it has been an eventful few days. Derek my M10 and I have been banging like rabbits and quite frankly I am red raw. Nothing a lovely cup of chamomile tea won’t fix – once it has cooled down of course. No matter how much we ponder some things in life will never be answered.

Why do male cicadas have inverted penises?

One day a boulderer was walking home from uni and his sport climbing mate rides towards him on a new bike. The sport climber stops and the boulderer asks “Where did you get the new bike”.

The sport climber replies “You will never believe it. I was walking along in the park and this really hot girl rode up to me, pulled me behind the bushes, ripped all her clothes off and said “Take what you want!””

The boulderer thought about it and replied “So you took the bike? Good thing, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you”.

Well everyone have a lovely weekend. Not too many drinkies now. We don’t want too many sore heads on Monday.

mikl law

19-Dec-2009
4:59:54 PM

On 18/12/2009 Wendy wrote:
>I recently removed this whilst rebolting in the Gross and took it home
>for testing.

Oh god I'm an old tosser, I might send all my gear to you for testing from now on. Do you have a drill?

Wendy

20-Dec-2009
2:03:57 PM

I’m surprised Wendy is so enthusiastically battling for these minirocks as she is so stubbornly scathing of them. Maybe she’s finally seeing the error of her ways. Let me tell you a story. The other day, she headed up The Wraith, declining to take my extensive collection of microwires and insisting instead on carrying her 4 camalot. Of course, she was begging for the microwires at the crux and I saved the day by chaining the 137 that I standardly carry (because they really don’t weigh anything and are invaluable when you really need them) together to reach her. I was on hand to offer appropriate comfort to her bruised ego when she got down, but sadly, she appeared unaware of what a lucky lady she was, and declined.

At least a passing leggy blond seemed sufficiently interested in my minirock skills and I milked it for all it was worth, convincing her that this was the perfect opportunity to try climbing and headed on a bouldering jaunt. Of course, we all know that beer is the ultimate performance enhancer for bouldering. Don’t bother with those expensive bloody performance powders, it’s been tried and proven that a long neck is the ideal quantity for optimum performance, and having a lucky lady to perform to helps as well. From my years of experience, I have concluded that it’s impossible to get pregnant if you have sex on top of a boulder, balanced on one foot, facing south and offered to demonstrate this in the course of her climbing lesson. Sadly, she also appeared unaware of what a lucky lady she was, and declined.

I’d done some useful research for the guidebook in the course of all this action however, and it’s on track to be released at the opening of the Nati Café in 2017. I’ve lined up a cute backpacker to help out, and I’m hoping that she will realise just what a lucky lady she is.

I placed that bolt by the way. And that one? Oh yeah, that was me too. The one there? Yet again, me. What’s the issue with all these bolts that I hand drill out of the goodness of my heart? One day, some hot chick will clip one and realise what a lucky lady she really is. Really, did I say I’d put one in there? F*ck, you think I’d know. Oh well, no one actually climbs that anyway.

God, I can’t believe the meaningless drivel that I spill on here. I mean, we don’t log into Chockstone to read selfcentred, egocentric bullsh1t. I really f*cking bore the crap out of myself and should be flogged. Maybe I can find a lucky lady to help me with that.

I miss M9.

simey

20-Dec-2009
3:39:07 PM

I think you should have quit while you were ahead Wendy. What is with all this 'lucky lady' bullshit? I've probably used the term once as a joke and now you've got me throwing it around more than a certain person uses 'heh heh heh'.

Wendy

20-Dec-2009
3:54:53 PM

but it was such a memorable phrase simey


kuu

20-Dec-2009
5:22:59 PM

On 20/12/2009 Wendy wrote:
>but it was such a memorable phrase simey

I hope it was "memorable" for the Lucky Lady!


Chuck Norris

20-Dec-2009
7:18:06 PM

On 20/12/2009 Wendy wrote:
>but it was such a memorable phrase simey

this is a thread where you impersonate someone else. if all you're going to do is chat as yourselves then start your own bloody thread


ambyeok

21-Dec-2009
12:07:21 AM

The results are in and the votes have been counted. A number of outstanding entries left me with serious concerns for my continence. Its been a hoot. We can only impersonate those who exhibit a strong personality, think of it as a compliment, impersonation is the greatest form of flattery! Our lucky winner has demonstrated proliferation, light heartedness, a touch of wickedness, and a keen sense of humour. It is with great pleasure that I award the coveted mini rocks to our very own Wendy 'I was born to take the piss' Eden!! Congratulations my god-non-fearing friend, may they serve you well.


ambyeok

21-Dec-2009
12:08:21 AM

I desperately want those min-rocks so I will impersonate everyone and everything possible. I climb trad, and real mountains, chicks should be able to do that. I ticked sport cause it really ticks me off when people chop bolts. I secretly boulder but I didnt wanna tick boulder cause I might come across simey and he's still sore from that impersonation I did. I studied philosphy once, I wasnt really sure if I believed in god, I'm still not really sure but at least now I have loads of big words to back me up. I feel sorta bad about wining this competition cause I really have nothing better to do than write lengthy posts on chockstone, its not fair on the others; did you read my dissertation on toilets of the world? :)

Wendy

21-Dec-2009
7:30:05 AM

Thanks Lucian! This thread has been heaps of fun, twas great idea. I'd have wasted heaps of time on it regardless of the minirocks. Hope people still have a few more up their sleeves yet.


gordoste

21-Dec-2009
9:47:27 AM

Did I mention that I like climbing offwidths? A lot of people think that girls can't climb cracks but I showed them!


IdratherbeclimbingM9

21-Dec-2009
9:02:17 PM

On 21/12/2009 ambyeok wrote:
>The results are in and the votes have been counted. A number of outstanding
>entries left me with serious concerns for my continence. Its been a hoot.
>We can only impersonate those who exhibit a strong personality, think of
>it as a compliment, impersonation is the greatest form of flattery! Our
>lucky winner has demonstrated proliferation, light heartedness, a touch
>of wickedness, and a keen sense of humour. It is with great pleasure that
>I award the coveted mini rocks to our very own Wendy (snip)

A funny thread with a well deserved winner (lucky lady!).

mikl law

22-Dec-2009
6:11:45 PM

Wendy, can I pay you to fill in when I'm away?
Ta
mikl

Wendy

24-Dec-2009
2:38:32 PM

On 22/12/2009 mikl law wrote:
>Wendy, can I pay you to fill in when I'm away?
>Ta
>mikl

I'd have to consider the weight of responsibility x the power of public opinion, divided by the proposed output, all set against the context of intended timeand whether it will be affectied by the prevailing fog. Oh, bugger it, sure no worries. Here are some squiggles I prepared earlier


Eduardo Slabofvic

24-Dec-2009
3:28:40 PM

Wendy, There's a test I would like you to perform so that we may all climb more sayphilly.

I have a new belay device, and I would like to know which brand of cornflakes, Kellogs or Aldi Home
Brand, can be sayphilly stuffed into it.


shortman

2-May-2011
9:03:34 PM

This thread is gold!

Read from the start for a good laugh.

hipdos

2-May-2011
9:41:13 PM

On 2/05/2011 shortman wrote:
>This thread is gold!
>
>Read from the start for a good laugh.

Agreed! Thanks for resurrecting.

There are 81 messages in this topic.