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Chockstone Forum - For Sale

Buy and Sell Used Climbing Gear Please do not post retail SPAM.

Author
FS: Mountain Hardwear Hooded Sub-Zero SL Down Jack
theandrewglover
22/11/2013
10:18:20 AM
Mountain Hardwear Hooded Sub-Zero SL Down Jacket, Mens, Medium, Grey. Hardly Used, As New, $150

Let's get one thing straight: this is warmest jacket that has ever been made. It laughs in the face of cold temperatures. And not just any laugh, but a really sarcastic, drawn-out fake laugh. You know the one I mean.
When it's not cruelly laughing at the cold, the jacket treats the cold like dirt. It borrows cold's money and doesn't pay it back. It gets drunk, belligerent, and obnoxious when cold is just trying to have a quiet night out with friends. It seduces cold, takes explicit photos of it, then texts them to it's mates. What a jerk.

Temperature in the front pockets sits at a balmy 35C, while the hood is slightly less hell-like at 34C. Temperature in the body is substantially higher, and can be used to cook cakes if you find yourself in the middle of the Siberian wilderness without an oven. Cremations are also possible, but potentially messy.

The jacket is filled with down feathers hand plucked straight from the most territorial fire ducks foraging on pure fire in the fiery lakes inside Mt Doom (which is also made of fire). In winter, the ducks migrate to the South Pole and stack up on top of each other. People call it the south "pole", but it's actually a stack of these ducks just trying to stay cool.

The feathers inside this jacket emit so much heat, that you'll probably want to vomit if you're wearing it anywhere outside the Arctic Circle. It has a radioactivity signature not dissimilar to those found in the reactor at Chernobyl. If you buy this, don't count on having kids.

I would advise against wearing any other clothing with this jacket. I tried it once, and suffered 2nd degree burns to my upper body. You know the Buddhist monk on the Rage Against The Machine album cover? He didn't actually self-immolate, he just wore this jacket for 5 minutes over his saffron robes.

Ordinarily, I'd be paying you to take this jacket off me. Bushfire season has just started, and the danger level is permanently catastrophic here - solely because of the jacket hanging in my wardrobe. I live on a house boat.
But since this jacket could technically be classified as a WMD, I'm looking to get some cash for it.

$150

*I've had the jacket for 8 years, but it's only been worn a few times. I bought it with the intention of going to Alaska, but then my work visa fell through, and it's been in my cupboard all this time. I just gave it a wash to make sure there was no dust on it, and it's looking as good as when I bought it.

I'll do free postage to anywhere in Aus.

Gumtree Ad (with pics) here:
http://www.gumtree.com.au/s-ad/gordon/jackets-coats/mountain-hardwear-hooded-sub-zero-sl-down-jacket/1032179910

Sabu
22/11/2013
10:54:05 AM
Best. Sales pitch. Ever.
Will_P
22/11/2013
10:57:33 AM
If I were a rich man I'd buy your jacket just as a reward for the great advertisement.
daave
22/11/2013
10:58:20 AM
Sent you a PM
Kinetic
29/11/2013
12:43:00 PM
Pure comedic genius. Seriously one of the funniest things I've ever read.
CRM114
2/12/2013
10:38:39 AM
Yep, that is seriously funny.

Might need to sew on some kind of Hazmat patch after that super-hot sales pitch.


Adrian
CRM114
2/12/2013
1:35:16 PM
Actually, just went one step further (I may just be bored) and shared this on facebook.

If it sells from my "sharing", I demand a commission or a 1 kiloton hankerchief.
huwj
15/05/2014
5:35:58 PM
Long shot I know... but is this still for sale?

There are 8 messages in this topic.

 

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