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Hello lovely C'stoners. Has anyone noticed lately how costs of living are going up constantly? This has all sorts of (often unexpected), spinoff consequences.
Take this example as told to me by one of my book club friends recently.
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello".
"Mrs. Ward, please".
Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible".
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
"Well one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's".
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time".
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?".
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him!"
... or this one about my new black bra.
I recently had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 30+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels, and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels, and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When Derek my M10 love came home, I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos, and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(wait for it. . .)
" What's for dinner, Zorro?" ... followed up by "How much did that getup cost you?"
Seriously though, raccoons are nasty [censored]ers. They're smart, dextrous and aggressive - my neighbour's cat regularly needs counseling from all the beatings it gets from raccoons that come in through the cat door.
Skunks are nasty [censored]ers too. I thought they'd smell like fart, but no - skunk odour is a really nasty chemically smell that I can best describe as a cross between burning rubber and asparagus urine smell.
On 25/10/2013 pmonks wrote:
>Seriously though, raccoons are nasty [censored]ers. They're smart, dextrous
>and aggressive - my neighbour's cat regularly needs counseling from all
>the beatings it gets from raccoons that come in through the cat door.
Any critter that beats up on cats is golden in my book. Our neighbor's cat keeps coming home with mortally injured birds, bluetongues etc - I'd love to get a pet bird of prey that was capable of bringing the neighborhood cats back to our place one at a time in a similar state.
>Skunks are nasty [censored]ers too. I thought they'd smell like fart,
>but no - skunk odour is a really nasty chemically smell that I can best
>describe as a cross between burning rubber and asparagus urine smell.
Really? I kind of like the smell of skunk... at least at that low-level you get when one has been hit somewhere on the highway. Mind you, while living in the US I nearly got sprayed once or twice when I surprised one on my bike late at night. If I'd got a face full I'm sure I'd like it less.