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General Climbing Discussion

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Friday Funnies

2:56:47 PM
Hello again lovely Chockstoners. Been keeping well have we? If you havenít, Derek my M10 love tells me it doesnít matter, and if you have, well then all is good then, isnít it dearies!

Did you hear about the Boulderers Are Not Stupid Convention, recently held in Queensland?
Derek tells me that it was worth going along purely for the entertainment value it produced, but we all know his sense of mirth is awry donít we; ... and so here is how it went according to him.

There were many in attendance, possibly 53,000 according to official sources, but some of them may have belonged to another faction and so may have confused the numbers a bit.
Anyway, they all met for the Boulderers Are Not Stupid Convention.

The chief organiser addressed the crowd.
'We are all here today to prove to the world that Boulderers are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?'
A tall godlike Boulderer from down Nati way, gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up onto the stage.
Organiser asks him, 'What is 15 plus 15?'
After 15 or 20 seconds godlike Boulderer says, 'Forty!'

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Boulderers start chanting 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'
Organiser says, 'Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance.'
So he asks, 'What is 5 plus 5?'
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, ' Twelve?'

Organiser looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.
Everyone is disheartened and godlike Boulderer almost started crying.
But then the 53,000 Boulderers begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'
Organiser, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, 'OK then, what is 2 plus 2?'
Silence hangs over the stadium.
Godlike Boulderer closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, 'Four?'

Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium!
It appears that Derek wasnít the only infiltrator, and the noise is deafening as many in the crowd, later mostly verified as sport climbers, stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream;
'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

3:49:15 PM
Welcome back MrsM10. We have missed you.

Here is one for you that I found on another forum...

Tony Abbott asks the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Abbott then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are 'really' intelligent?"

The Queen thoughtfully took a sip of champagne (as you do) and then said: "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle. Watch this."
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom."Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?"
Prince Charles walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mummy?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please Charlie. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.

Tony Abbott went back home to Australia by Qantas, of course. He decided to ask Joe Hockey the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Hockey. Let me get back to you on that one."
He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer. Frustrated, Hockey went to the toilet, and found Clive Palmer hanging about there.
Joe Hockey went up to him and asked, "Hey Clive, see if you can answer this question."
"No worries, Shoot Joe."
"Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother nor your sister. Who is it?"
Clive Palmer answered, "That's easy, it's me!"
Joe Hockey grinned, and said, "Good answer Clive, I see it all now!"

Joe Hockey then, went back to find Tony Abbott. "Tony, I did some research, and I have the answer to that riddle. "It's Clive Palmer"
Tony Abbott got up, stomped over to Joe Hockey, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles!"

That joke also reminded me of these couple of poster-pics...

5:32:35 PM
For all you people out there giving the Libs lots of stick for pushing such a hard budget, think of it this way - they're just working on accumulating a huge surplus so that the Labour party can blow it all next time they're in power - c'mon - in the long run everyone is going to be happy :-)

11:21:12 AM
On the Fifa World Cup recent events...

12:22:08 PM
In local hardware store
 photo 878fd21fb96d69db43565b2b398bcdbd_zps0b1cb7f7.jpg

3:52:41 PM

8:35:20 PM
Its Friday- and I'm experiencing acute climbing withdrawal- a serious condition, especially as I cant climb Saturday. I grab a captive Spaniard and head into the teeth of a gale for a few hours at Port Stephens.
As we approach the freezing convenience crag of Iris Moore Park a mature couple are heading from that direction with a small dog in tow.

They ask- what are you up to?
-just a bit of climbing if we don't get blown away
- our son climbs.
-thats nice. Its not bad here usually
-yes we thought we could picture Simon climbing. Where are you from?
-Newcastle, and Spain.
- have you ever been to Arapiles?
-yes (me), no (Manolo)
-(to Manolo) well you must get there- our son lives in Natimuk....though having not killed himself climbing hes now decided to take up paragliding, he's in Queensland at the moment...

small world

6:49:02 AM
That's pretty funny. My folks have a habit of meeting climbers in random locations.

8:16:22 AM
On 19/07/2014 simey wrote:
>That's pretty funny. My folks have a habit of meeting climbers in random locations.

I like Ed February's story of meeting your mum in NT, at Kings Canyon wasn't it? Something along the lines of:

Simey's mum: So where are you heading?
Ed: A small town in Victoria you've probably never heard of called Natimuk. It's next to Mount Arapiles. I'm a rock climber.
Simey's mum: My son wrote the guidebook
*gets on phone to Simey insisting she sort Ed out with a rack and partner*
11:54:00 AM
Your parents think you climb Simey? :)

Eduardo Slabofvic
12:22:44 PM
On 19/07/2014 hero wrote:
>Your parents think you climb Simey? :)

No, they said he "wrote the book". Different things
10:31:17 AM
It's still Friday somewhere. This girl's going to make quite a climber.

3:25:30 PM
Yoo hoo Mr M9, I notice that you seem to be going on about 'back in your day' a bit lately.

Derek my M10 love, asked me to tell you that when he were a lad he was so poor that he considered himself lucky to be born a boy, otherwise he wouldn't have had anything to play with!

Unlike some others on this site, I am sure you don't want to be bored with his details, so I will leave it at that for now dearie, other than to say that these things have a lot to do with ones perceptions on life.

Here are some other examples, if you have not got his drift yet.

Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up.
Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.
Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.
The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some good news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone.
"Well, give me the good news first," replied the other.
"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.
"And the bad news?"
"Mine died," said his mate.

Did you hear about the flasher in Natimuk the other day?

There were three really old boulderers who were sitting on a park bench with their mats nearby having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the boulderers, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

The youngest of the elderly boulderers immediately had a stroke.

Then the next youngest, also had a stroke.

But the curly haired eldest, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend then?' he continues.
'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.'

3:43:18 PM
Good form MrsM10...
6:03:30 PM
Shouldn't this be in the Nowra thread?

3:49:31 PM
On 1/08/2014 martym wrote:
>Shouldn't this be in the Nowra thread?

No Mr martym. Are you some kind of sicko?
- but I do see how it would apply to all things Nowra, and the sickness would fit right in.

Yoo hoo Mr kieranl, waving at you madly from over here dearie.
I notice from a post of yours this week that you are quite, how shall I say it; ... sincere; in your response to dealing with an unconscious abseiler incident.

Derek my M10 love says that use of that kind of language, is just a bloke thing.
In an effort to convince me, he told me the following things (see below), but I am still not convinced.
Maybe you can relate to many of these precepts for life?

Paddy goes into a Dublin Florist shop and says,
"I would like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend".
The florist looked at him and said, "Certainly Sir, what is it you're after?"
"A root ", Paddy replies.
(I think Derek has told me that one before)?

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or root it...
Piss on it and walk away.

Derek heard that Mr ODH saw a fortune teller the other day. She told him he would come into some money.
Later he heard that he rooted a sheila called Penny - spooky or what?

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quick bout of love making, with their 8-year old son in the apartment, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a root!'
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar' ...

Are you feeling romantic Mr k? Perhaps you are you a rose fan?

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says 'I have had a lovely time.
You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful climbing rose. May I call on you tomorrow?'
She agrees and a date is made.
The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.
He is stunned. 'What was that for?' he asked.
She said 'I looked up beautiful climbing rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said ĎBest suited for rooting against a brick wall or fence, no good in an open bedí.

Ok, if you are not feeling romantic perhaps you need a beer, but be careful of what you find on the fridge...

An uncouth bloke got home from work and found the missus had left a post-it note on the fridge saying;

"It's no good, it's not working, I'm staying at mums for a while."

He opened it, the light came on, and the beer was well chilled.

f--- knows what she was on about?

Derek tells me that if none of the above relates to your life experience, then you have only got yourself to blame, as it just means you couldn't organise a root in a brothel.

I am still not sure I agree with him.

12:36:59 PM

8:19:35 PM
On 18/08/2014 BA wrote:
Laughed at that...
Pesky mousey type wingsuiters gnats...

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