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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

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Author
Friday Funnies

ajfclark
7-Jul-2012
8:19:02 AM

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
27-Jul-2012
1:48:57 PM
Hello Chockstone dearies!
Hasn’t there been some interesting topics on this lovely site recently!
Regarding one of them, Derek my M10 love was telling me that he was talking with Rhino (affectionate term for one of Natis Rams), over a beer not long back, who was reminiscing that his funniest moment for the Rams was watching Mentzy play footy up until round 10 this year, and although he had a blinder in round 11 has lost the plot since!
He also overheard the coach lamenting the teams performance in their last game when he said,
“Our first quarter was just atrocious, and we didn't play well at all."
Whitley said the poor start proved the difference, with Rams kicking seven goals to Noradjuha-Quantong's nine in the final three quarters.
"We were playing catch up from there," he said.



The time has come to play the game, but netballers amongst us wonder which game they are referring to?


A young woman was sitting on a verandah in Horsham sunning and listening to a Nati Rams netball match on her radio, when she was startled by a car crashing through a hedge and coming to rest on her lawn.
She helped the golden haired Nati driver out, and sat him on a lawn chair.
“My goodness” she exclaimed, “you are quite old to be driving!”
“Yes” he replied,” I am old enough that I don’t need a license anymore!”
“The last time I went to my doctor because I was concerned about not scoring any goals in five consecutive games, he examined me, and asked if I had a drivers licence.
I told him yes and handed it to him, and he took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket.”
”You won’t be needing that anymore,” he said.
"So I thanked him and left.”


I don’t think he reveres our most senior player!

capt_mulch
27-Jul-2012
3:20:09 PM
Ya ya, se gut. Anaza display of excellent German humor, just like my ex.

On 13/06/2012 pmonks wrote:
>Can't remember if I posted this one already (Google isn't showing it if
>I did), so here it is, possibly a second time.
>
>Q. What comes between "fear" and "sex"?
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>A. "fünf"
PDRM
3-Aug-2012
10:11:33 AM
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'

The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
3-Aug-2012
10:33:05 AM
Very good Mr PDRM. Did you know that condoms have quite an interesting history?

In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

and

In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Derek my M10 love tells me that the Kiwis had the same idea with sheep only without any input from the Brits!

He also tells me that the whole concept of celebrating such things has many different variations of theme and told me this story to illustrate his point.





Free drinks.

As good as this bar is," said the Scot trad climber, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the English trad climber, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irish boulderer, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irish boulderer, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times...



MarcusfromHamilton
6-Aug-2012
10:46:43 PM
I know its not quite Friday bit thought this was worth jumping the gun for:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxtg7raPDYo

pmonks
9-Aug-2012
8:22:06 AM
Gymnastics... ...LIKE A BOSS!


Big G
9-Aug-2012
12:18:35 PM
A teacher asks the class "Can anyone use the word contagious in a sentence?"

Mary replies "Last year I had chicken pox and my mum told me I was contagious and couldn't see any of my friends".

Teacher "Well done Mary, very nice"

Timmy pipes up "Some diseases are contagious"
"Perfect Timmy"

Then little Jimmy, the Irish kid says "Me and me Dar, were watching the neighbour paint his house with a two-inch brush and he said "It'll take the contagious"

pmonks
10-Aug-2012
3:22:52 AM
bin dun

Big G
10-Aug-2012
8:45:40 AM
fair enough - still funny though
gfdonc
10-Aug-2012
3:51:32 PM
This one's good for a chuckle, better yet it's about climbing, with pics:
http://www.supertopo.com/tr/New-Route-near-Washington-Column-A-Trip-Report/t245n.html

ajfclark
10-Aug-2012
4:06:08 PM
Some gold from passiveaggressivenotes:
This piece by Jamie’s daughter was hanging on the wall outside her classroom during Parent’s Day at the school. “She had no idea why it was funny to us,” Jamie says. (Her daughter’s teacher, meanwhile…)

egosan
10-Aug-2012
10:41:54 PM
Jason Kruk gets a chance to explain himself:

http://tosh.comedycentral.com/video-clips/web-redemption---s--tty-rock-climber---uncensored






...the pooping thing, duh.
simey
10-Aug-2012
11:21:53 PM
On 10/08/2012 egosan wrote:
>Jason Kruk gets a chance to explain himself:

http://tosh.comedycentral.com/video-clips/web-redemption---s--tty-rock-climber---uncensored

That's actually quite funny.

ajfclark
17-Aug-2012
9:06:36 AM
Best use of chatroulette ever?

benjenga
17-Aug-2012
11:18:34 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdPR28gVIFQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
17-Aug-2012
11:41:22 AM
Hello lovely Chockerstone dearies. Hasn't this past week seen a lot of interesting posts on this site! I mentioned to Derek my M10 love, that some posts although passionate, were also a bit upsetting, but he tells me that I take things too seriously and that many posts are not what they seem and it is simply the medium not being able to communicate the gleam (of anger?) in the eyes of the poster!

He says I ought to consider the following bit he found to see his point.



50 Shades of Grey - Horsham Style.

Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill the lonely hours between Jerry Springer and Days of our Lives.

As he approached me with his pasty white arms hanging out of his Nike vest, his smile told me that it was dole day and I knew that my velour track suit ...would be hanging off the lampshade tonight.

As I stood in line at the job centre thinking of reasons why I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed sweat and Lynx Africa!

I turned and there he was, DWAYNE, with his pants half way down his arse, our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Woolies. He had already tied his Staffy to a post in the alley way so we would not be disturbed, there was a tramp watching but it did not bother us, just added to the mystery.

I knew then that this was love and my life would never be the same again. I made a promise to him there and then that I would buy him a plasma with the baby bonus.

(Author unknown)





OK, after that sombre moment, and reflecting on the kindness involved I decided to get a haircut (always good for a yarn there), but even this turned out to be not what I expected as this is what my hairdresser told me.



The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the
next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for
him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The
next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you'
card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then an MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the
barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.


stugang
28-Aug-2012
5:34:04 PM
http://www.chockstone.org/Forum/Forum.asp

I think this one was put in the wrong thread - the shit some people come up with?!

Though on retrospect Friday Dummies would be more appropriate
widewetandslippery
31-Aug-2012
5:27:07 PM
I am on the train at this moment heading for some nocturnal aid climbing on chossm

Catholic priest joke: what's the best thing about doing a six year old girl?

Turning her over and pretending its a six year old boy.

IdratherbeclimbingM9
31-Aug-2012
6:27:02 PM
On 31/08/2012 widewetandslippery wrote:
>I am on the train at this moment heading for some nocturnal aid climbing
>on chossm
>
Stokedforyaww&s! ~> Good luck with it, and don't forget to persist after taking the 3rd lead fall and ripping gear in the process!

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