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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

 Page 44 of 61. Messages 1 to 20 | 21 to 40 | 41 to 60 | 61 to 80 | 81 to 100 | 101 to 120 | 121 to 140 | 141 to 160 | 161 to 180 | 181 to 200 | 201 to 220 | 221 to 240 | 241 to 260 | 261 to 280 | 281 to 300 | 301 to 320 | 321 to 340 | 341 to 360 | 361 to 380 | 381 to 400 | 401 to 420 | 421 to 440 | 441 to 460 | 461 to 480 | 481 to 500 | 501 to 520 | 521 to 540 | 541 to 560 | 561 to 580 | 581 to 600 | 601 to 620 | 621 to 640 | 641 to 660 | 661 to 680 | 681 to 700 | 701 to 720 | 721 to 740 | 741 to 760 | 761 to 780 | 781 to 800 | 801 to 820 | 821 to 840 | 841 to 860 | 861 to 880 | 881 to 900 | 901 to 920 | 921 to 940 | 941 to 960 | 961 to 980 | 981 to 1000 | 1001 to 1020 | 1021 to 1040 | 1041 to 1060 | 1061 to 1080 | 1081 to 1100 | 1101 to 1120 | 1121 to 1140 | 1141 to 1160 | 1161 to 1180 | 1181 to 1200 | 1201 to 1204
Author
Friday Funnies

Capt_mulch
29-Jul-2011
12:49:57 PM
OK, now I'm a full-time geek again, some hilarious IT jokes.

Two bytes walk into a bar. The barman asks them what they want. They say "can you make us a double?".
- I laughed for hours over that one.

A byte comes home from work, his wife asks him how he is, he replies "a bit off". ROFL!!!

But you know what I really hate? I hate it when you score the job of belay slave for the hottest desirable sex object at Nowra, and you're down the backend of Thompsons Point with no-one around, desirable sex object refuses to wear a helmet, falls and gets knocked out, you lower them to the ground, and you don't know whether to ring the ambulance or invite all your mates over, I hate that yeah...

(yeah, sorry Rodney, but I just got my old vinyl out of storage the other day and fired a few of those big round black things up).
spicelab
29-Jul-2011
3:54:32 PM
That cat is a campus cheat. (Hind) feet should be out.
hipdos
29-Jul-2011
3:57:03 PM
Good core strength tho

IdratherbeclimbingM9
29-Jul-2011
8:36:17 PM
On 29/07/2011 spicelab wrote:
>That cat is a campus cheat. (Hind) feet should be out.

~> It is a new training technique known as campussing!
;-)

Eduardo Slabofvic
30-Jul-2011
1:11:39 PM
On 29/07/2011 IdratherbeclimbingM9 wrote:
>
>~> It is a new training technique known as campussing!
>;-)

You should be banned from this site for that

IdratherbeclimbingM9
30-Jul-2011
8:38:21 PM
On 30/07/2011 Eduardo Slabofvic. wrote:
>On 29/07/2011 IdratherbeclimbingM9 wrote:
>>
>>~> It is a new training technique known as campussing!
>>;-)
>
>You should be banned from this site for that

Too subtle for you huh?
;-)
Duncan
31-Jul-2011
11:03:15 AM
The footballing equivalent of "What's he done on grit?"

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2011/jul/29/stoke-britannia-stadium-rainy-tuesday

WARNING: the article contains references to team sports.

ajfclark
6-Aug-2011
1:05:36 PM
No funnies this Friday? This one just popped up:


sbm
9-Aug-2011
5:47:08 PM

ajfclark
16-Aug-2011
1:40:38 PM
Guy gives his ex-wife home bouldering wall for her birthday. Shame it's not a little taller.

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
22-Aug-2011
1:54:25 PM
Hello Chockstone dearies. Isn't it great that the weather is warming up again for climbing with Spring almost in the air.
Yes, yes, I know it is not Friday but with the early birds and bees weather I thought I might post a couple of funnies early too, that took my fancy.


Young love.

A young Scottish Lad and Lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands and gazing out over the Loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

”Well, uh I was thinkin’, perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek, then he blushed.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again, “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

”Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s noo about time for a wee cuddle.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds, then he blushed.

After awhile, she again said “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

”Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg.”

Once again the girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee, then he blushed.

While the two were gazing out over the Lock, the girl spoke again.

”Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

The young glancing down with a furled brow said, “Well noo, my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.”

”Really” said the lass in a whisper filled with anticipation. “Aye,” said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and held her breath in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, “Dae ye nae think it’s aboot time ye paid me, the first three pennies?’









Derek my M10 love tells me that he thought that last one was OK but he prefers the next one, as it has a twist.



Brothel love.

The madam opened the brothel door in Milngavie and saw a rather
dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early
fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.

The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."

"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies.
Perhaps you would prefer someone else" , said the madam.

He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."

Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a
visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it
to Suzy, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.


Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she
was too expensive.

"There are no discounts.. The price is still $5000."

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went
upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night,
but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.

After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?"

The man replied, " Edinburgh ."

"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ."

"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her lawyer
She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer!






(Apologies dear Chockers people if either of those have been posted before)?


ajfclark
26-Aug-2011
1:43:52 PM
From http://www.climbingterms.com/post/9386571923/what-on-earth :
My friend Chris took a photo of this classic improvised bolt hanger in Tajikistan. Surely such an innovation needs a name! Any ideas? Email me at climbingterms@yahoo.com or leave a comment below.

gfdonc
26-Aug-2011
2:10:12 PM
pitong..

IdratherbeclimbingM9
26-Aug-2011
2:55:38 PM
On 26/08/2011 ajfclark wrote:
>From http://www.climbingterms.com/post/9386571923/what-on-earth :
>
My friend Chris took a photo of this classic improvised bolt
>hanger in Tajikistan. Surely such an innovation needs a name! Any ideas?
>Email me at climbingterms@yahoo.com or leave a comment below.

>

Friday Funnies or Gear Lust?, as I reckon it is a great recycling idea!, especially if the hardened steel pitons are used instead of the old malleable type.
~> Will leave it to mikl to comment on the anti-rotational / mixing metals aspects of it though.
;-)

gfdonc wrote
>pitong..

pitang?

ajfclark
26-Aug-2011
2:56:25 PM
PFP: Permanently/Properly Fixed/f---ed Piton?

Gnaguts
26-Aug-2011
5:52:30 PM
Bolton

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
27-Aug-2011
2:39:08 AM
Very good Mr jammin, I like that name for it. I also liked the lovely video clip Mr sbm posted of a cat climbing the underside of stairs back a page ago. Aren't these computer things clever, dearies, being able to show that?
That pussy cat is a clever one too, which somehow reminds me of the following funny that I heard recently.





The Lone Ranger's Last Request.



The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"...
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers
in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse ... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

“Listen Very Carefully!!!”
“FOR ...THE...LAST...TIME ... “
“BRING POSSE!"



mthrfckr
27-Aug-2011
11:05:30 AM
ha ha - don't know where you keep finding these but I'm glad you do.

ajfclark
28-Aug-2011
9:16:09 PM

shortman
28-Aug-2011
10:34:03 PM
Gold!

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