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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

 Page 42 of 61. Messages 1 to 20 | 21 to 40 | 41 to 60 | 61 to 80 | 81 to 100 | 101 to 120 | 121 to 140 | 141 to 160 | 161 to 180 | 181 to 200 | 201 to 220 | 221 to 240 | 241 to 260 | 261 to 280 | 281 to 300 | 301 to 320 | 321 to 340 | 341 to 360 | 361 to 380 | 381 to 400 | 401 to 420 | 421 to 440 | 441 to 460 | 461 to 480 | 481 to 500 | 501 to 520 | 521 to 540 | 541 to 560 | 561 to 580 | 581 to 600 | 601 to 620 | 621 to 640 | 641 to 660 | 661 to 680 | 681 to 700 | 701 to 720 | 721 to 740 | 741 to 760 | 761 to 780 | 781 to 800 | 801 to 820 | 821 to 840 | 841 to 860 | 861 to 880 | 881 to 900 | 901 to 920 | 921 to 940 | 941 to 960 | 961 to 980 | 981 to 1000 | 1001 to 1020 | 1021 to 1040 | 1041 to 1060 | 1061 to 1080 | 1081 to 1100 | 1101 to 1120 | 1121 to 1140 | 1141 to 1160 | 1161 to 1180 | 1181 to 1200 | 1201 to 1204
Author
Friday Funnies

sbm
6-May-2011
11:43:04 PM
Nick the Dragon Slayer was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without hesitation, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the royal chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer could not have cared less. Knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, he shooed Horatio the Physician away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's loincloth. So the King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer....
daave
13-May-2011
1:54:39 PM
Those of you with an Iphone will be able to appreciate these!

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/8394/15-most-popular-autocorrects-from-april-2011/

IdratherbeclimbingM9
13-May-2011
9:50:55 PM

ajfclark
20-May-2011
10:23:07 AM
From Dads are the original hipsters:


Your dad had colored jeans before you did and he has the red dye on his legs to prove it. Any douchenozzle can slide their walking sticks into a pair of blue jeans, but it takes a bold man to wave his dick in the face of convention and rock a pair of leg coverings so bold that it would start a jean coloring revolution. With his red jeans hanging on him tighter than your mom would, he would lock lady looks into his lower parts as he walked triumphantly into fashion history.

So hipsters, next time you’re looking like a pack of highlighters vomited on you, remember this…

You’d be sliding your sad ass into blue jeans if it wasn’t for the fact that your dad blew the doors off the denim color game.

Big Thanks to Alice H. for the amazing photo of her dad and his friends.

Sabu
20-May-2011
11:06:24 AM
On 13/05/2011 daave wrote:
>Those of you with an Iphone will be able to appreciate these!
>
>http://damnyouautocorrect.com/8394/15-most-popular-autocorrects-from-april-2011/

I hate you. just wasted an hour on that site!
strerror
20-May-2011
11:08:18 AM
http://goatsonstuff.com/post/5539873174/dont-look-at-me-like-that-im-the-expert-at

that's how you bridge!
PDRM
20-May-2011
3:24:12 PM
On 20/05/2011 strerror wrote:
>http://goatsonstuff.com/post/5539873174/dont-look-at-me-like-that-im-the-expert-at
>
>that's how you bridge!

That's a very strange website...

P
daave
20-May-2011
9:32:46 PM
On 20/05/2011 Sabu wrote:
>On 13/05/2011 daave wrote:
>>Those of you with an Iphone will be able to appreciate these!
>>
>>http://damnyouautocorrect.com/8394/15-most-popular-autocorrects-from-april-2011/
>
>I hate you. just wasted an hour on that site!

Yeah, but how funny is it!

Sabu
20-May-2011
9:39:59 PM
what's worse is trying to stifle your laughing in a shared office!
ClimbingNT
20-May-2011
10:26:45 PM
A couple of one liners....


My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe

that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.



I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept

thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an

erection...but she did



Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.""f*ck that" says

Mick" have you seen how many of their owners go blind"



Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do

you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!



I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the

biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my

leg"



I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she

was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.



My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my

girlfriend yet.



I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the

foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.



Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine

until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change

dentists?



A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking

behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.



I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get

reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would

like to come back as a cow. I said your obviously not f--k--g listening.




The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the

worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
lemonking95
26-May-2011
3:27:21 PM
lol,funny,thanks

sbm
3-Jun-2011
11:49:54 AM
Microsoft is now coming out with climbing products.


grantoss
3-Jun-2011
3:27:03 PM
check this

http://www.someecards.com/popular-cards/most-sent-today/3/20


IdratherbeclimbingM9
3-Jun-2011
7:51:04 PM
On 3/06/2011 sbm wrote:
>

Next time?
Looks to me like climber is on a fatal fall!
martym
3-Jun-2011
8:01:48 PM
On 3/06/2011 IdratherbeclimbingM9 wrote:
>On 3/06/2011 sbm wrote:
>>
>
>Next time?
>Looks to me like climber is on a fatal fall!

When your gear grows eyebrows and starts talking to you, I reckon you're up the creek..

IdratherbeclimbingM9
3-Jun-2011
8:10:10 PM
On 3/06/2011 martym wrote:
>When your gear grows eyebrows and starts talking to you, I reckon you're up the creek..

My gear sometimes 'has hairs on it' (regarding placement), and often talks to me while I am solo aiding, though the creak is often missing! ~> Does that count for anything? It sounds to me like you don't understand creaky-gear-speak!
;-)
hero
3-Jun-2011
11:29:05 PM

>When your gear grows eyebrows and starts talking to you, I reckon you're
>up the creek..

You've obviously never climbed on acid. eyebrows is the least of your problems.

stugang
3-Jun-2011
11:46:49 PM
On 3/06/2011 hero wrote:
>
>>When your gear grows eyebrows and starts talking to you, I reckon you're
>>up the creek..
>
>You've obviously never climbed on acid. eyebrows is the least of your
>problems.

The fact that this picture is beige and not "colours man" is direct evidence that no acid was involved.

Speaking of which I just remembered I have those mushies drying on top of the fridge.

ajfclark
10-Jun-2011
2:52:48 PM
Rita and Frank try to take a still photo to email to friends for Frank's 84th Birthday on their new Mac:

shortman
10-Jun-2011
8:14:28 PM
On 10/06/2011 ajfclark wrote:
Rita and Frank try to take a still photo to email to friends for Frank's 84th Birthday on their new Mac:

That was lame. Thats like me with an iphone.

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