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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

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Author
Friday Funnies

IdratherbeclimbingM9
4-Apr-2014
3:38:47 PM
A scary funny for the treadly riders and motorcyclists out there...
(It is kind of reminiscent of a Monty Python skit?)


A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments at the Coffee Club.

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you,Ē said one elderly lady.

ďI can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said one, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your blessings," said a woman cheerfully....

"Thank God we can all still drive."


IdratherbeclimbingM9
6-Apr-2014
11:10:40 AM
Came across another bit of trivia-(humour?), for what it's worth ...




Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick LAWRENCE, a 22 year
old male, who was caught fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of
the night.

The next day, at the Horsham Court (Victoria, Australia), LAWRENCE was
charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public
intoxication.

LAWRENCE explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way
home from a drinking session, he decided to stop.
"You know how a pumpkin can be soft and squishy inside... well, there
was no one around for miles - or at least I thought there wasn't anyone
around..." he stated.

LAWRENCE went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a
hole in it and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.
"I s'pose I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident
embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, LAWRENCE failed to notice an
approaching police car and was unaware of his audience, until Senior
Constable Brenda TAYLOR approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Senior Constable
TAYLOR,
'I walked up to LAWRENCE - and he's just banging away at this
pumpkin...'

Senior Constable TAYLOR went on to describe what happened when she
approached LAWRENCE...
"I said; 'Excuse me sir, why are you having sex with a pumpkin?"

"LAWRENCE froze.
He was clearly very surprised that I was there, but then he looked me
straight in the eye and said,
'A pumpkin? Shit - is it midnight already?"

The court (and the magistrate) could not contain their mirth.

The Geelong Post wrote an article describing this as 'The best
come-back line ever.'



Miguel75
6-Apr-2014
1:10:04 PM
Continuing on with interesting Police stories my brother is a prosecutor in the US. He had a case where the defendant was caught and charged with molesting a vending machine. Evidently the first few times he was busted in the act of loving the machine he got off but was finally arrested and charged with willful damage and molestation of a vending machine after breaking it open to steal money...

I reckon he should have been charged with domestic violence too...
kieranl
6-Apr-2014
1:47:57 PM
I'm impressed that you managed to tell that without resorting to the term "money shot".

ajfclark
17-Apr-2014
3:07:59 PM
It's substitute Friday so In keeping with the hipster bashing:

freesolo
30-Apr-2014
5:55:52 PM
http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/nature/post/rare-video-shows-bears-climbing-sheer-cliff/
egosan
1-May-2014
6:00:56 AM
From page one of this thread.

Only 8/04/2005 nmonteith wrote:
>Just a thought - posts like those contained in this thread is what will
>get Chockstone banned from workplaces. If we try and keep it moderatly
>clean (and climbing related) then all us office workers can keep surfing
>these pages without the fear of it being banned from over-zelous IT managers.

shortman
1-May-2014
7:38:47 AM
On 1/05/2014 egosan wrote:
>From page one of this thread.
>
>Only 8/04/2005 nmonteith wrote:
>>Just a thought - posts like those contained in this thread is what will
>>get Chockstone banned from workplaces. If we try and keep it moderatly
>>clean (and climbing related) then all us office workers can keep surfing
>>these pages without the fear of it being banned from over-zelous IT managers.

ha ha

sbm
2-May-2014
3:16:44 PM
Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorios drinking game?

Every time someone leaves the room to go to the bathroom you take four shots.

Duang Daunk
3-May-2014
4:31:04 PM
ego and short got pinged by their bosses?

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
20-Jun-2014
2:56:47 PM
Hello again lovely Chockstoners. Been keeping well have we? If you havenít, Derek my M10 love tells me it doesnít matter, and if you have, well then all is good then, isnít it dearies!

Did you hear about the Boulderers Are Not Stupid Convention, recently held in Queensland?
Derek tells me that it was worth going along purely for the entertainment value it produced, but we all know his sense of mirth is awry donít we; ... and so here is how it went according to him.



There were many in attendance, possibly 53,000 according to official sources, but some of them may have belonged to another faction and so may have confused the numbers a bit.
Anyway, they all met for the Boulderers Are Not Stupid Convention.

The chief organiser addressed the crowd.
'We are all here today to prove to the world that Boulderers are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?'
A tall godlike Boulderer from down Nati way, gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up onto the stage.
Organiser asks him, 'What is 15 plus 15?'
After 15 or 20 seconds godlike Boulderer says, 'Forty!'

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Boulderers start chanting 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'
Organiser says, 'Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance.'
So he asks, 'What is 5 plus 5?'
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, ' Twelve?'

Organiser looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.
Everyone is disheartened and godlike Boulderer almost started crying.
But then the 53,000 Boulderers begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'
Organiser, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, 'OK then, what is 2 plus 2?'
Silence hangs over the stadium.
Godlike Boulderer closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, 'Four?'

Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium!
It appears that Derek wasnít the only infiltrator, and the noise is deafening as many in the crowd, later mostly verified as sport climbers, stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream;
'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'


IdratherbeclimbingM9
27-Jun-2014
3:49:15 PM
Welcome back MrsM10. We have missed you.

Here is one for you that I found on another forum...


Tony Abbott asks the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Abbott then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are 'really' intelligent?"

The Queen thoughtfully took a sip of champagne (as you do) and then said: "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle. Watch this."
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom."Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?"
Prince Charles walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mummy?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please Charlie. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.

Tony Abbott went back home to Australia by Qantas, of course. He decided to ask Joe Hockey the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Hockey. Let me get back to you on that one."
He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer. Frustrated, Hockey went to the toilet, and found Clive Palmer hanging about there.
Joe Hockey went up to him and asked, "Hey Clive, see if you can answer this question."
"No worries, Shoot Joe."
"Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother nor your sister. Who is it?"
Clive Palmer answered, "That's easy, it's me!"
Joe Hockey grinned, and said, "Good answer Clive, I see it all now!"

Joe Hockey then, went back to find Tony Abbott. "Tony, I did some research, and I have the answer to that riddle. "It's Clive Palmer"
Tony Abbott got up, stomped over to Joe Hockey, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles!"




That joke also reminded me of these couple of poster-pics...








Capt_mulch
27-Jun-2014
5:32:35 PM
For all you people out there giving the Libs lots of stick for pushing such a hard budget, think of it this way - they're just working on accumulating a huge surplus so that the Labour party can blow it all next time they're in power - c'mon - in the long run everyone is going to be happy :-)

IdratherbeclimbingM9
11-Jul-2014
11:21:12 AM
On the Fifa World Cup recent events...















PDRM
11-Jul-2014
12:22:08 PM
In local hardware store
 photo 878fd21fb96d69db43565b2b398bcdbd_zps0b1cb7f7.jpg

ajfclark
11-Jul-2014
3:52:41 PM

vwills
18-Jul-2014
8:35:20 PM
Its Friday- and I'm experiencing acute climbing withdrawal- a serious condition, especially as I cant climb Saturday. I grab a captive Spaniard and head into the teeth of a gale for a few hours at Port Stephens.
As we approach the freezing convenience crag of Iris Moore Park a mature couple are heading from that direction with a small dog in tow.

They ask- what are you up to?
-just a bit of climbing if we don't get blown away
- our son climbs.
-thats nice. Its not bad here usually
-yes we thought we could picture Simon climbing. Where are you from?
-Newcastle, and Spain.
- have you ever been to Arapiles?
-yes (me), no (Manolo)
-(to Manolo) well you must get there- our son lives in Natimuk....though having not killed himself climbing hes now decided to take up paragliding, he's in Queensland at the moment...

small world


-
simey
19-Jul-2014
6:49:02 AM
That's pretty funny. My folks have a habit of meeting climbers in random locations.

ajfclark
19-Jul-2014
8:16:22 AM
On 19/07/2014 simey wrote:
>That's pretty funny. My folks have a habit of meeting climbers in random locations.

I like Ed February's story of meeting your mum in NT, at Kings Canyon wasn't it? Something along the lines of:

Simey's mum: So where are you heading?
Ed: A small town in Victoria you've probably never heard of called Natimuk. It's next to Mount Arapiles. I'm a rock climber.
Simey's mum: My son wrote the guidebook
*gets on phone to Simey insisting she sort Ed out with a rack and partner*
hero
19-Jul-2014
11:54:00 AM
Your parents think you climb Simey? :)

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There are 1204 messages in this topic.

 

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