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Chockstone Forum - Accidents & Injuries

Report Accidents and Injuries

Author
Help me
rightarmbad
22/04/2012
10:42:23 PM
Hi, my name is Bendy.

I have a problem that is stopping me from climbing the way I want to.
You see, I'm fat.

Now I have been told that it is as simple as eating well and getting a moderate amount of exercise to cure me of my disease over a reasonable length of time.

Trouble is, I don't want to wait, I want a quick fix and I still want to able to sit down and eat pizza every night while I watch TV.

So can somebody suggest some pills, drugs, far out untested theories and wild Chinese potions backed up by hearsay and various unknown climbers testimonials, because I'm just too impatient to do it the proper way.

Zarb
22/04/2012
10:54:45 PM
2 out of 5 stars.

Would have gotten a few more stars if the trolling was a little more subtle.

Ben_E
22/04/2012
10:59:03 PM
Have you considered trying to pick up tapeworms?

phillipivan
22/04/2012
11:09:14 PM
You'd be after methamwhatchamacallit then. Available at you local psychopharmacologist.
One Day Hero
22/04/2012
11:16:21 PM
I have a road cycling mate who once looked into nicotine patches, figuring that they'd be a good appetite suppressant!?! He didn't get as far as trying it......you never know, might work

Miguel75
22/04/2012
11:36:04 PM
One word Bendy; Ab-circle pro! Not only will you get super buff in 5 minutes a day, you'll look rad, nay, super rad in Lycra!
stonetroll
23/04/2012
6:43:01 AM
Only eat 3 pizzas instead of 4 and instead of getting some one else to change the channel for you, you be the one to control the remote as you will burne up more calories by pressing the buttons.

nmonteith
23/04/2012
8:18:09 AM
Bulemia

Superstu
23/04/2012
8:20:12 AM
9 out of 10 dieticians say surfing chockstone all day makes you fat.

That's why the nerds at Chockstone Inc. are developing a great new exciting app for your smartphone - iChocky - which will allow you to surf chockstone and stay up to date on all the meaningless drivel while actually out climbing.


ajfclark
23/04/2012
8:26:55 AM
Tired of the low energy of dieting? Hungry between meals?

Try the meth diet!

You'll lose the pounds in no time as you use our simple meal replacement plan. All you do is replace each meal of the day (and several in between) with a hit. You'll have more energy than ever before as you cruise to your weight goals. Since you'll be awake when no one else is, you'll have plenty of time to do all those things you never make time for, such as:

1. Organising your tax return
2. Cleaning you house
3. Punching the orderlies in your local emergency department

Miguel75
23/04/2012
9:11:44 AM
On 23/04/2012 nmonteith wrote:
>Bulemia


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WG6Jg17Ouus&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Duncan
23/04/2012
9:47:34 AM
Dr Rudi knows the secret:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-jy3OtZAss
ZERO
23/04/2012
12:47:53 PM
Take up residence in the Pines, eat exclusively from the Aldi dumpster in Horsham, and then jog back to the Pines, bypassing th Nati Pub and cafe en route.
Judging by some of the Adonisyses running around the mount it is a guaranteed recipe.

Miguel75
23/04/2012
1:14:13 PM
On 23/04/2012 superstu wrote:
>9 out of 10 dieticians say surfing chockstone all day makes you fat.
>
>That's why the nerds at Chockstone Inc. are developing a great new exciting
>app for your smartphone - iChocky...

Is this really true? Is it really even advisable? Regardless, we need one...

Groveller
26/04/2012
7:21:48 AM
Hey Bendy, I have recently lost 5 kg by just eating rice cakes for lunch and avoiding morning and afternoon teas. You could also use that traditional method of cutting off 10 pounds of ugly fat. Thanks for the belly laugh everyone.

There are 15 messages in this topic.

 

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