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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

Author
The official: 'I claim the record' thread.

IdratherbeclimbingM9
17-Dec-2015
6:52:43 PM
4.35 pm and I just got a call from a tele-marketer with an accent, on my landline phone. I could easily hear the phone-answering people talking away in the background...
"Hello sir, I am phoning from telstra because we seem to be having a problem from your internet".

Me. "Oh no (with surprised expression), a problem on my internet!"

"Yes sir, it is causing issues and it is probably your computer."

Me. "Oh dear, this seems to be happening often to me lately, what can I do about it?"

"We are here to help you sir, but you need to follow our instructions".

Me, "This seems to be a very bad line (it actually was a bad line), as I can hardly hear you. Please speak up as I didn't catch what you said."

"I said sir, that I can help you with your internet problem, but I need you to follow my instructions".

Me. "Ok, I can hear you a bit better now, but please tell me, why do we have such a bad line if you are calling from telstra?"

"We are noticing technical issues with your line and this is what is causing us problems, but we can fix it".

Me, "Sorry, but you are really hard to hear, and I am only getting every other word, did you say that you are causing a problem and it can be fixed?"

"No, sir, I am saying that your line is causing problems with the internet, but it is OK as we can fix it".

Me. " What was that? I can hardly hear you. It seems like a lot of background static on this line", (it wasn't that bad).

"Don't worry sir, I will phone you back on another line."

Me. "What's that, I can hardly hear you, did you say you can call me back?"

"Yes sir, I will call you back, wait just a minute..."

20 seconds later I get another call from the telemarketer.

"Hello, I am calling you back about your internet problem".

Me. "Oh good, I was hoping you could fix it as it has been bugging me lately".

"Ok sir, what I need you to do is turn on your computer."

Me. "Ok, wait a bit while I fire it up", at which point I leisurely poor myself an after 5 drink, as I already had Chockstone up and running on it...

Me. "Ok, it is starting up now, gee, this is really good of you to help me out like this".

"Ok sir, that is Ok as it is what we do, is it fully started yet?"

Me. "Yes, it seems to have started up ok, so what is the problem?"

"Ok sir, what I need you to do is press the windows button and the 'r' button at the same time".

Me. "Gee this is great that you are helping me fix my internet problem, but you are a bit hard to hear still, did you say to press the 'r' button?"

"Yes sir, but you need to press the windows button at the same time".

Me. "Ok, but where is the windows button?, By the way, you still need to speak up as this line seems to fade in and out!"

"Ok sir. Tell me what key is in the bottom left hand corner of your keyboard".

Me. "It says ctrl".

"Ok good, see the key located two along from it, that has four little squares on it? ... That is the windows button, I need you to push it at the same time".

Me. "Ok, I have done that".
Some time elapses...

"Tell me what is happening".

Me. "I pushed the windows button like you told me to".
(Though this never was the case...)

Getting slightly exasperated now, ..."Sir, I need you to press the windows button while at the same time pressing the 'r' button".

Me. "Oh, ok, now I understand, you want me to press them both at the same time. Hang on a sec and I will do that".

"Ok what do you see now?"

Me. "My computer is blinking and winking at me. This is a very bad area for internet connection. They promised to give us NBN but we don't have it yet and my internet is really very slow. Gee I am glad that you can help me with it".

"That is fine sir, but tell me, what is on your screen now, can you see a box?"

Me. "A box? Oh, you mean a box to type in?"

"Yes sir."

Me. "Yes, I have a box to type in".

"Ok, what I want you to type is www.121usa.com and then hit enter".

Me. "Whats that? w u w . , sorry I didn't get the numbers. We seem to be fading out again."

"No!, www, ok? After that I want you to type the numbers as I say them, ok?"

Me, "Ok, www, got that, gee I'm happy you are helping me like this. What next?"

"Ok 1 2 1 u ..."

Me. " Hang on, 1, 2, 1, ok, got that, p..."

"No sir, not p, u. U for uniform, got that? Then s, then a, then..."

Me. (interrupting him again) "Ok www . u for uniform, s, then what's that again? a??"

"Ok sir, just listen while I say the whole line, then repeat it back to me, ok?"

Me. "Ok"

"www.121usa.com then enter."

Me "Ok, got that, www.121usa.com then enter, Ok, typing that now".

"Good, what do you see?

Me. "Not much, my computer is blinking and winking at me. It is really slow you know. Maybe that is the problem that you are having?"

"Can you see a green screen?"

Me. "Yes".

"It should be coming up with remote connection and a box for the code technician number"

Me. "Ah good! It seems to be doing something now, though it's very slow. Yes, yes I can see a box".

"Ok, I want you to type the code 121121 in the box".

Me. "What's that 121211? Ok typing now..."

"No sir, 121121"

Me. "What's that, 121121? Sorry, but I typed the other number and now it's blinking and winking again".

"Ok, let's start again, can you please type the windows key and the letter r at the same time".

Me. "Ok, done that".

"Now type www.121usa.com"

Me. "Ok, hang on, doing that, but I need to put the phone down because I am slow at typing."
(Clunk the phone down heavily to annoy his ear). "Ok, I've done that".

"Good sir, now type 121121"

Me. "Ok done that" (Please note readers, that none of this was done...)

"What's your computer saying?"

Me. "Connect to technician".

"What is your internet?"

Me. "Hotmail(!), but what is this telstra problem?"

"It is corrupted files sir, Ok tell me what is happening now?"

Me. "It seems to be downloading something". (Total bs as I was never going to download anything from the scammer).

"Yes, good, how far has it progressed?"

Me. "5%"
Time goes by, I enjoy my drink and try to suppress laughter.

"What is it up to now?"

Me. (after a suitable inserted time lapse) "8%, it's really slow you know, did I tell you about they promised us broadband? Maybe that will fix the problem?"

"Ok, I'll wait till it finishes, let me know how its going".

Me. (after more suitably inserted time lapses) "Ok it's up to 10% now, 11%, Oh good, it seems to be speeding up a bit, ... (a bit later) 30%, (a bit later) 60%, .... (time passes), 85% !!..."
Me again. "Oh, wait, the screen seems to have gone black! Perhaps it has timed out? Can you help me? Why is telstra having this problem? Maybe because I am still using windows 7? What do you think?"

"Oh, your computer is quite old sir, as we are up to Windows 10 now"!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have another 4 pages of phone-pad notes that I took while leading that poor bugger on.
I spun him out for over an hour while we went through the 'you should see a green screen' routine, and he wanted me to type iexplore www.ammyy.com, and we went through the miscommunication thing again... repeat, ... again... repeat... again.
In the end he thought I had done it and he says "Don't touch the screen!!" "We can start working with meaadmin and a single left click"
Me. "Oh no, the screen has gone black again!"

"Sir, we can't save this computer! ... but I can provide you with 5 years protection for $5.99, I just need you to tell me your card number!"

To be continued as this is only half way there, but I am sure you get the drift, even if it is the condensed version!...
Heh, heh, heh.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Post edit (continuation) at 9.10 pm.

When I gave him a fictitious credit card number it came up at his end as 'invalid', and we went through the mis-communicated repeat-number sequence again several times while I am telling him that something must be wrong with his computer, as I paid for my groceries today with the card and as far as I know it is good.

He asked me what bank it was with and informed me that the starting number I gave him for the card was not matching up with that code...

He thanked me very much and told me that he would call me back tomorrow.

Twenty minutes later I receive another call from the call center, but this time the line was very clear and the person was easy to hear and understand though still spoke with a slight accent.

He said his name was David and he'd talk me through the process, starting with the windows button + r key again...
He asked me what came up on the screen and I repeated the queues (from my notes), I'd been inadvertently given by the last scammer, again...

Unexpectedly different was his offer of only having to pay $3 for their service now, and I queried this as I thought the last helpful man said it was $5.99. He said "I'm giving you a discount" and thanked me for being a loyal customer. He then got me to read out the credit card number to him again and I repeated the same fictitious number as before, as I had written it down while I was stringing the earlier scammer on.

He then wanted to know if I had a mobile phone, and I replied that I had the phone he was calling me on, so why would I want another. As a consequence that potential 'spin-him-out' option ended at that point.

He asked me if I had another credit card, and I said yes, so gave him another fictitious number (similar to another bit of plastic in my wallet). He got me to verify that second number a couple of times over and was checking it in their system.
He then said "Alright, you have done a brilliant job, now I want you to hold something for me, but you need to do it for at least an hour."

Me. "Yeah, what?" thinking it was further to do with credit cards...

He says, "You need to hold it in your mouth".

Me. "Yeah, what?"

"My c--k!" he replied and hung up!*, ... which precluded my opportunity to point out the irony of his statement.
It still caused me to smile.
;-)
(*I will take that as a compliment given the source it came from!!!)



Hmm.
Given gnaguts / jayford4321's recent banter on Chockstone lately, I reckon that with my 'spin out a professional scammer' effort of just over 2 hours**, I must have now queue jumped ahead of PI in the
>heavyw8 eduardi 2015
award nomination stakes...
;-)


(**Some people sometimes just have way too much time on their hands...
Anyone else with a bent sense of humour is welcome to try and beat my record, though the record you claim can be of your own choosing!
Heh, heh, heh.)

shortman
18-Dec-2015
11:17:03 AM
Very entertaining M9 on this slow work day....
maxdacat
18-Dec-2015
1:04:21 PM
scamming the scammers.....reminds me of:

http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com/

salty crag
18-Dec-2015
4:23:48 PM
Nice.

MisterGribble
18-Dec-2015
4:36:24 PM
I had these guys on the phone once and spun them out as best I could.
I then said I was going to get my credit card and left the phone unattended for over an hour.
When I got back the guy was STILL THERE !

I was going to nominate him for employee of the month.....

Sabu
19-Dec-2015
1:33:22 PM
Gold. I tend to spin them for a bit before telling them I traced their IP address from the phone (total bs of course) and say I'll be passing them on to the AFP. They can never hang up fast enough.

stugang
19-Dec-2015
4:40:19 PM
M9 good effort. I am unaware of any funny or intelligent recent banter by me or any of my protégés so please post a link so I can consider them for an end of year performance reward.

This was a while back but some of you may recall a scam where cold callers told you that you had a virus on your computer and made you check for a file which Lo and behold was on your computer and for a small fee they could remove it. I can't claim I kept them on for longer than 15/20 mins so you guys win there but my tactic was to reply with increasing levels of panic and concern about my virus whilst fumbling about pretending to attempt to follow their instructions.

Our conversation closed when I cried (it was real academy award stuff) into the phone "I don't understand how this can be happening to me because I don't have a computer?!" She hung up.

JamesMc
19-Dec-2015
6:56:31 PM
l managed to spin the Microsoft guy on for about half an hour before telling him I had a McIntosh computer. He called me back and left a very unfriendly but very entertaining message on the answering machine!
Bob Saki
22-Dec-2015
11:09:44 AM
I just ask them what they are wearing and they hang up pretty quick.

rocksinmyhead
22-Dec-2015
4:42:59 PM
I can't claim the endurance record, but after keeping the Microsoft guy going whilst I cooked dinner, had him worked up enough for him to scream "I'm going to come over there and get you!!!"

shortman
22-Dec-2015
9:15:08 PM
I like to tell them about Jesus. Same as those guys that stop you on the street for something. Sit them down and as soon as they get squirmish then lay all their own lines straight back at them. Make it go for at least 15 minutes, and then ask them to close their eyes whilst you pray for them and just walk away....
stugang
24-Dec-2015
12:32:14 PM
Is that how you met mikey?


There are 12 messages in this topic.

 

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