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Ollie and Steve really should be studying

sleake

17-May-2010
5:28:13 PM

Instead we had a little FB chat about my climb on the weekend that was suppsosed to be a quick after work trip to wind down with a young and keen guy.

Sorry about all the typos etc - it certainly isn't a literary work of art. Pretty funny though.

15:49
Oliver
stteeeeve
15:49
Me
yesssum
15:49
Oliver
how was climbing on saturday dude
i want gorey details
15:49
Me
ummm
turned an easy afternoon up jaunt into a typical major adventure
true steve style
15:50
Oliver
niiice
so what happened?
15:50
Me
well
I was ment to finish work at 1
i actua;ly finished at 3
but was stinging for a climb
so met up with this dude - young guy - but one of those monkey boys
super strong – natural BASTARD!!!!!!!
15:52
Oliver
haha
15:52
Me
but not heaps of multi pitch trad experiance
so i was the guide hahaha
15:53
Oliver
always good
15:53
Me
got to the top of keira at bout 4 - and was like - ok, we can go to the west face and have a boring arvo
or.........
we can go have some trad adventures
to his credit he chose the adventure

15:54
Oliver
hmmm
im gusessing a bad move
15:54
Me
so went down to sth face - bout 4 -30, thought 2 hours would be plenty.....
racked up, dicked around, taught him double rope belaying , how to take out nuts etc so lead out about 5 pm - sun is getting low by now, so just tell him ill run the first to pitches together, and if its too dark we can bail off the bolts
15:56
Oliver
hmmm
i can predict how this is gonna go
15:56
Me
turns out his belay device is a quote "prototype"
worst piece of shit i have ever had to be belayed on
like had to reef out a meter of rope before a i made a move

15:57
Oliver
haha
what was wrong with it?
15:57
Me
and swore and cursed at him heaps - poor kid
oh, it just doenst work
he has a mate that works for some company that gave it to him
anyway, was so pissed off at the whole thing that i sort of neglected to place gear

15:59
Oliver
fair enough
15:59
Me
(and im trying to get used to runouts for sketchy NZ climbing over winter)
and wanted to move quick – but getting jerked round by a dragging rope is a touch scary when miles above some dodgy Big K nut haha

and it was getting darkish by now
but anyway, with a bit of dicking round got to the bolt belay
and cause he is a scrawny little gym climber i thought he would fail on that crack
sooo.......
set up a cordlette from the bolts
then pulled up heaps of slack on one of the ropes, and cloved it to the anchor then downclimbed those boulders and tied into the strand of rope running to the anchor
so i was anchored directly above the crack thinking i would need to talk him through it

16:03
Oliver
ok
that doesnt sound tooo bad
16:04
Me
yep, was all fine, but eatin up our precious daylight
anyway, stu absoulutle smashed the pitch, apart from one nut which you cant really see, so not his fault
and got the the crack, and laybacked it in like 15 seconds
like i said -hes a strong BASTARD!
16:06
Oliver
hahaha
16:06
Me
anyway - get to the real belay, sort everything out - and by now the sun has goooooorn
16:06
Oliver
it aint that hard if your a gym climber...its crack technique that buggers you around
16:06
Me
and the wind has picked up and its getting chilly
so i give him the choice again - bail or adventure?
he makes the right choice - and we push on for some dark adventures
I lead out pretending to be more cofident and skilled than i actually am - im the guide remeber
16:08
Oliver
thats how guides are meant to be
16:08
Me
I lead out up the crack in pretty much darkness, realisig that i have never lead this pitch before haha, anyway, telling myself it is a crack so climbing by feel wont be too bad

16:09
Oliver
is that a "how the f--- do you do this bit" realisation
16:09
Me
well, ill get to that......

16:09
Oliver
or a hmm...ive only ever seconded before realisatin
16:11
Me
so anyay, head up to the roof, and set up a couple of oposed nuts with a sling in the corner....you know the deal - thinking stu can just pop them out easily

it was just twilight, so i could see how to put them in etc
anyway, swing across the base of the roof, impress stu with my nearly falling off abitlity

16:12
Oliver
even im impressed with your nearly falling off ability
16:12
Me
and get to the horrible slopey mantle over thebulge thing
now at the base i had told stu about all the climbing calls, safe, on belay, climbign etc
so anyway this is my wording as i tried the move
"ok watch me here stu, this bit is hard
pull up, stab around
"ok watching me stu?"
slap around some more
"watching me?"
depsperatly slap at everything, feet swinging wildly
"watch"
more desperation
'me"
tears
"urgh...."
but much to stus relief i dont fall,
the 40 kg weight difference would make things exciting
and I make my way to the belay bolt - getting stabbed by a branch to the eye in the darkness
anyway, set up an anchor
it is now dark and cold
I am in my bunnings shirt – stu is in a singlet – renound alpine climbing attire

16:17
Oliver
hahaha
16:18
Me
realise that i gave stu my device cause his was shit
so dick around setting up some munter hitches
using them on doubles sucks by the way - so yeah, belay him up, smile to myself as he fails on the mantly thingo – gyms don’t teach you how to grovell

16:19
Oliver
haha
did you leave an aid piece?
16:20
Me
yeah, purple cam as aid

16:20
Oliver
i seem to remember some nice leader left an aid piece for another bumbly
16:20
Me
that is an important part to the story
anyway, so in his use of the kindly placed aid peice, he somehow has managed to push it deeply into the crack
and he he comes up with hardly any of the gear i placed

16:21
Oliver
haha
what does he think this is?
that shits expensive
16:21
Me
and unfortunlty it was my gear that he chose to leave behind and not your half of the rack – was too dark to see how to get it out apparently – (it was pretty dark)

16:22
Oliver
and possibly might be owned be me?
16:22
Me
not yours

16:22
Oliver
phew
16:22
Me
by now it is too dark and cold for a lecture, we are both in boardies
so I re-rig everythin in the dark, giving me a line to rap on, and also be belayed by stu
that shit is hard to work out in the dark by the way!
anyway, so i half rap, half downclimb, grab the nuts in the roof with a bit of struggling and reclimb back to mr purple cam
all i can see is a bit of carabiner poking out a crack, and no idea whats hapening back there
so after probably half an hour of shivering and cam jiggerypokery i pull the sword from the stone and unleash every triumphant swearword upon the city of wollongong
I reclimb up, stoked to be able to go home
and send stu to get the bags down the base of the clif (its great having a young slave)
I sort out the gear, and meet him back at the car
and we count everything and head home - stoked to have had a awesome adventure
unfortunatly that is not the end of the story

16:28
Oliver
oh shit
this almost sounds like a trip report
16:28
Me
We get back to my place, unload the car, stu goes for his keys - and they are not there
SHIT!
so we drive back to the top of keira

16:29
Oliver
oh f---
16:29
Me
have a look around in the carpark, then decide to walk down to the base of the route
NOTHING
devestated we head back to my car and drive off home - only to get to the summit gates - where we see they are LOCKED
by now we are very happy with our 'quick adventure'.

16:31
Oliver
hahahaha
holy f---
16:31
Me
however the west face is seeming like it would have been the better option

16:31
Oliver
Jesus Christ
you boys are good at life
you boys are great at life
16:31
Me
anyway - go and see the caretaker
tell him our little story
and he unlocks it for us
head back to my place, and as i am entering my driveway, see something shiney on the ground.
I tell stu to grab the

IdratherbeclimbingM9

17-May-2010
5:40:15 PM

Good one.
I reckon you chaps are close to garnering the market on epics.
Isn't it nice to see the humour in these events in hindsight though!
Thanks for sharing.

simey

17-May-2010
5:42:50 PM

Was there something worth reading there? Maybe you boys need an editor before you post.

Olbert

17-May-2010
6:06:15 PM

Dont blame me...it was a good story when i got told it on facebook
Maybe it doesnt translate well

gordoste

18-May-2010
12:56:28 PM

it's a good story, just needs some nicer formatting!

Organ Pipe

18-May-2010
1:28:40 PM

I'm used to reading this format - Loved it!

sleake

18-May-2010
3:01:07 PM

Yeah sorry guys - as I said - I really should have been studying - have far too much on my plate to turn this into the next big thing in climbing novels - but glad a few people enjoyed my antics.

M9 - you really must belive this doesnt happen EVERY time we go climbing............. I have had at least 3 climbs where nothing went wrong!

There are 7 messages in this topic.