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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

 Page 45 of 61. Messages 1 to 20 | 21 to 40 | 41 to 60 | 61 to 80 | 81 to 100 | 101 to 120 | 121 to 140 | 141 to 160 | 161 to 180 | 181 to 200 | 201 to 220 | 221 to 240 | 241 to 260 | 261 to 280 | 281 to 300 | 301 to 320 | 321 to 340 | 341 to 360 | 361 to 380 | 381 to 400 | 401 to 420 | 421 to 440 | 441 to 460 | 461 to 480 | 481 to 500 | 501 to 520 | 521 to 540 | 541 to 560 | 561 to 580 | 581 to 600 | 601 to 620 | 621 to 640 | 641 to 660 | 661 to 680 | 681 to 700 | 701 to 720 | 721 to 740 | 741 to 760 | 761 to 780 | 781 to 800 | 801 to 820 | 821 to 840 | 841 to 860 | 861 to 880 | 881 to 900 | 901 to 920 | 921 to 940 | 941 to 960 | 961 to 980 | 981 to 1000 | 1001 to 1020 | 1021 to 1040 | 1041 to 1060 | 1061 to 1080 | 1081 to 1100 | 1101 to 1120 | 1121 to 1140 | 1141 to 1160 | 1161 to 1180 | 1181 to 1200 | 1201 to 1204
Author
Friday Funnies

ajfclark
30-Aug-2011
11:20:23 AM
Headline fail: http://hosted2.ap.org/MTBOZ/178ad0bd79c040f989201d57cb57bab9/Article_2011-08-29-MSU-Speaker/id-a08389678a0e408daa3439271fb9438d

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
9-Sep-2011
1:47:22 PM
Isn't it good Chockstone dearies, that Blue Mountains Trackcare is having a working bee this Sunday, and that they are catering for the lovely folk who turn up to help.

Derek my M10 love tells me that one can't be too careful who they have lunch with these days, and I said to him "Why is that dearie?"
This is what he told me.





"A boulderer walks into a seedy cafe in Nati, Victoria.

He sits at the counter and notices an old tradster with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chilli stew.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young dirtbag boulderer bravely asks the old tradster, ‘If you ain’t gonna eat that, mind if I do?’

The tradster slowly turns his head toward the young boulderer and in his best tradster manner says, ‘Nah, you go ahead.’

Eagerly, the young boulderer reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli stew.

The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chilli stew back into the bowl.

The old tradster quietly says, ‘Yep, that’s as far as I got, too.’ "


Capt_mulch
9-Sep-2011
2:07:09 PM
>He sits at the counter and notices an old tradster with his arms folded
>staring blankly at a full bowl of chilli stew.

Are you sure he wasn't watching for bubbles???

Capt_mulch
9-Sep-2011
2:15:54 PM
A dyslexic boulderer walks into a bra, and says "do you have a trad board in this hotel?"

Capt_mulch
9-Sep-2011
2:20:55 PM
A boulderer, a sports climber, and a traddy-baddy walk into the Natimuk hotel. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
9-Sep-2011
2:24:33 PM
On 9/09/2011 Mr Capt_mulch wrote in another place on Chockstone:
>You've obviously got a case of goldfish in your s-bend. Do the bubbles smell like fish farts?? Hmmm, maybe I should change dealer...

and On 9/09/2011 Mr Capt_mulch wrote:
>>He sits at the counter and notices an old tradster with his arms folded
>>staring blankly at a full bowl of chilli stew.
>
>Are you sure he wasn't watching for bubbles???
>

Changing dealer? Why do your comments remind me of this funny?

SUPERSEX
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."



Capt_mulch
9-Sep-2011
2:32:23 PM
A baby seal walks into a club...

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
23-Sep-2011
11:42:51 AM
On 9/09/2011 Mr Capt_mulch wrote:
>A baby seal walks into a club...

Yoo hoo Mr Capt_mulch, the seal's name wouldn't be Trapper by any chance would it? Derek my M10 love tells me that you posted up about him missing in Honiara recently.

Animals are lovely creatures are they not? And they can sometimes be very useful according to Derek, who told me the following joke, but I am still debating about how funny it is?



A tradster was leaving a café in a small rural country town with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 metres behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 35 men walking single file.

The tradster couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My boulderer brother-in-law's."

''What happened to him?"

"He yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed him."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my brother-in-law when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "No worries mate, but you will have to get in line."

JDB
23-Sep-2011
2:08:42 PM
Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees


Ees


Ees


Ees



Ees a ham bush....."
daave
23-Sep-2011
4:59:50 PM
On 23/09/2011 JDB wrote:
>Bacon Tree
>
>Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States
>, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and
>wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........
>
> "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
>
> "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
>
> With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the
>distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
>
> There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon
>... every imaginable kind of cured pork.
>
> "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
>
> "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
>
> "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees
>no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
>
> And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5
>metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens
>up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with
>his dying breath,
>
> "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
>
> "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "
>
> "Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
>
>
> Ees
>
>
> Ees
>
>
> Ees
>
>
>
> Ees a ham bush....."
>

If they're both mexicans, why were they talking in bad english...wouldn't they just speak in spanish to each other...?

MrsM10iswhereitsat.
7-Oct-2011
2:19:49 PM
Because most of us on this lovely forum wouldn't understand them if they did?








Derek my M10 love found some interesting information about the human body the other day and I think it is worth sharing with you, as I know we are all health conscious climbers aren't we dearies.



The Facts of Life.


It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg.

The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women will be finished reading this by now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

ajfclark
7-Oct-2011
3:03:33 PM
On 7/10/2011 MrsM10iswhereitsat wrote:
>Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

Not true, I'm at the office...

ajfclark
14-Oct-2011
12:29:22 PM
From XKCD (including the mouseover joke:
The Corliss Resolution
The Corliss Resolution

sbm
14-Oct-2011
7:06:23 PM
On 14/10/2011 ajfclark wrote:
>From XKCD (including the mouseover joke:
>

Good point Randall, but didn't we manage to invent hallucinogenic drugs AND send guys to the moon in the SAME DECADE?

sbm
14-Oct-2011
7:17:41 PM
This has been around a bit but I don't think it's been posted here yet. Naughty words warning.

I Hate My Job

My job is so f&cki^g unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the f#k*&g stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fu!%4g dog to work. Every @!@#$ day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single f@cking day.

Anyway, I drive these f$ckt%rds around in my van and we solve mysteries and sh1t.
mthrfckr
15-Oct-2011
10:01:21 AM

>Good point Randall, but didn't we manage to invent hallucinogenic drugs
>AND send guys to the moon in the SAME DECADE

Not surprisingly, not the same guys.

ajfclark
24-Oct-2011
11:45:51 AM

ajfclark
28-Oct-2011
12:12:05 PM

mattjr
28-Oct-2011
12:26:42 PM
kiwis do not say 'chip' funny...... bru!?

mattjr
28-Oct-2011
4:17:44 PM
Does this fall into the category of 'mis-spent youth'?

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