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Chockstone Forum - General Discussion

General Climbing Discussion

 Page 2 of 8. Messages 1 to 20 | 21 to 40 | 41 to 60 | 61 to 80 | 81 to 100 | 101 to 120 | 121 to 140 | 141 to 151
Author
Dear Simey

adski
6/03/2005
10:16:58 PM
I haven't heard such double and triple-entendre's in ages, great work guys
hairy1
7/03/2005
10:24:46 AM
dear simey

I am in a bit of dillema. A friend of mine took up advice posted on this thread and joined a university climbing club in an effort to pick up chicks young enough to be his daughter. He has now 'risen' to the rank of president and we all know what happens when you mix a president with more junior members of your organisation [eg. that unfortunate incident in Washington a few years ago]. My greatest fear is that someone else will blow the dust of TastyBigMac's nuts.

what should I do?

hairy1

Eduardo Slabofvic
7/03/2005
1:19:22 PM
Dear Simey,

I am an uptight alpinist with pendulous haemorrhoids and a cantankerous sociopathic attitude. I am currently preparing this years smelly socks for the upcoming European summer and am worried that my usual recipe of gorgonzola, garlic, fish sauce and vomit will not be strong enough to adequately disturb other occupants of the hut whilst I clatter about whispering loudly at 2.00am. Can you recommend any other techniques that I may employ to ensure no one gets enough sleep?

IdratherbeclimbingM9
7/03/2005
9:29:49 PM
On 4/03/2005 simey wrote:
Re ">I like this new trend of aid-climbing routes that were established free"

>M8 thanks for pointing that out. Let this be a reminder to all those parents out there that I should not mind their kids (snip) ...

Your original reply was fair enough.
Why the subsequent edit?

>You will soon see the error of your ways.
I doubt it, unless you are referring to things other than retro-aiding!
simey
7/03/2005
11:52:43 PM
On 7/03/2005 Eduardo Slabofvic wrote:
>I am an uptight alpinist... I clatter about whispering loudly at 2.00am. Can you recommend any other techniques that I may employ to ensure no one gets enough sleep?

Gee Eduardo... given the number of counselling sessions you require, I must say, you really are a f#@ked up unit!

As for your latest dilemma, well I am not really an alpinist so I am not too familiar with early morning starts. However my early days at Arapiles (while hanging out with the Wasters) taught me that all night parties with loud music didn't help my relations with neighbouring climbers. A portable stereo system blaring out Dead Kennedys seemed to to do the trick, while copious amounts of drugs and drunken dancing also helped.

Remember that if you are a half-decent climber, you can grab a few hours sleep once everyone has left the hut and then make a lightening fast ascent of whatever and still be back by midday just to really piss them off. Make sure you keep the party atmosphere flowing into the second and third nights for full value.


simey
7/03/2005
11:58:55 PM
On 7/03/2005 hairy1 wrote:
>I am in a bit of dillema. A friend of mine joined a university climbing club in an effort to pick up chicks young enough to be his daughter. He has now 'risen' to the rank of president and we all know what happens when you mix a president with more junior members of your organisation [eg. that unfortunate incident in Washington a few years ago]. My greatest fear is that someone else will blow the dust of TastyBigMac's nuts.

>what should I do?

I suggest that you stand for president yourself.



Eduardo Slabofvic
8/03/2005
10:43:05 AM
Dear Simey,

I am a burnt out trad climber from the 80’s with broken thongs and an out of date Health Care card. The effect of pulling all those cones has finally caught up with me (I think). My guide book (or at least I think it’s my guidebook) has got ticks next to routes that I don’t remember doing. Can I flash a route if I may have done it before yet cannot remember anything about it? (did I just type that, or did I just think I typed that?)
gfdonc
8/03/2005
11:05:28 AM
This is called the "goldfish onsight" or the "Alzheimer's onsight" in my book.
Well used tool of the trade. I hope to employ it on the weekend while liberating some ghosts.

Phil Box
8/03/2005
11:05:46 AM
Ed Slab, allow me to answer if I may be so bold. You refer to what is known as the Alzheimers Onsight. You may claim as many of these type of onsights as you please. Even if you have a flash of deja vu you can still claim it. So long as you make mention of it being a possible Alzheimers Onsight no one will hold it against you if they in fact know for a fact that you did indeed already climb the particular route. This tactic may only be used by the over 45 age group.

Eduardo Slabofvic
8/03/2005
1:16:48 PM
Dear Simey,

I am a snot nosed, tick infested, hairy arsed, loud mouthed mattress back. The other day as I was out squashing a few square metres of vegetation, I managed to get my body weight off the mat for a couple of milliseconds. I thought that in order to make it easier to name and grade my new problem (and the numerous variants, like the left hand first variant), an automatic alarm that sounds as soon as body weight is taken off could be fitted to the mat. That way I could conserve my energy in order to tackle the other variations. Can you see a commercial application for this, and if so, can you recommend a marketing strategy.
Wendy
8/03/2005
1:43:04 PM
Hey Eduardo,

I can see heaps of potential in your idea. Obviously, the quanitity of time spent flat on your back encourages some semblance of thought. Your alarm will notify your hoards of onlookers that it's time to start cheering and for your scantily clad groupies to beseech "come on muscles". It may even wake them up enough to spot you. But don't get too far off your mat. You don't want to overwork yourself. Although surreptitiously falling onto one of your groupies may provide a rare opportunity for physical contact.
simey
9/03/2005
12:04:10 PM
I'm afraid to say folks that I won't be able to answer your problems over the next few days (I'll be working working on some very important international relations).

I recommend that you seek Bourge's advice until I return.

simey
Dave J
9/03/2005
12:30:33 PM
You had better hope she doesnt read chockstone simey or you'll have lost the element of
surprise...


good luck...(lord knows you could do with some luck)
climbingjac
9/03/2005
1:37:06 PM
If Simey is clever he has chosen a girlie that doesn't speak English, so she can't read anything on Chockstone :-)

Eduardo Slabofvic
9/03/2005
2:15:26 PM
On 9/03/2005 simey wrote:
>I'm afraid to say folks that I won't be able to answer your problems over
>the next few days (I'll be working working on some very important international
>relations).

Waaaaaay too much information, and doesn't even have the cafe open yet.
dalai
9/03/2005
2:26:32 PM
Must be part of Simeys interview process for hiring staff to work at his cafe...

ShinToe Warrior
9/03/2005
2:51:51 PM
I wonder how many rounds of interviews Simey intends on putting the candidates through

Eduardo Slabofvic
9/03/2005
3:00:16 PM
I'm sure there will lots of hard questions.

ShinToe Warrior
9/03/2005
3:22:05 PM
On 9/03/2005 Eduardo Slabofvic wrote:
>I'm sure there will lots of hard questions.

hard probing questions which will really put them on the spot
Nottobetaken
10/03/2005
10:49:02 AM
Dear Simey,
We here in ‘the land that time forgot’ think it’s great that you’ve turned into an online councillor – God knows that it’s a better career option for you than a job that involves a field, two goal posts and a funny coloured uniform…

I write to you not in the hope of finding supreme guidance, for the topic I know is but an alien one to you. No – it’s not advice on the clubbing scene in Melbourne – but help in the way of a dealing with a mistress.

She’s a pretty big girl (15ft x 8) – and whenever we meet in ‘the shed’ she has to lean at an angle of 55 just to fit her head in! Our meetings are mainly on a one-to-one basis, but twice a week she lets me invite friends over to play as well. We fondle, we caress, we stroke. There are mattresses available, but sometimes they’re not required (sit-down starts aren’t the only position she knows well). Thing is – I wake up the next morning and am aching all over – ready for more. In the words of some 80’s pop tune ‘I just can’t get enough’.

We have pet names for each secluded meeting – sometimes it’s ‘The Business’, sometimes ‘The Pinch’, sometimes ‘Barefoot’. Each holds’ a special place in our hearts. My marriage is suffering. The full time job is rapidly becoming part time. Even climbing on pre-placed gear has lost its former aura.

Now I know you have trouble relating to this, so I was wondering whether you could put me onto someone that understands this situation. Someone that knows the meaning of short yet intimate meetings, no endurance required, and shares a love of big, well rounded slopers (and the odd 2 finger undercling).
Regards
Dr G

 Page 2 of 8. Messages 1 to 20 | 21 to 40 | 41 to 60 | 61 to 80 | 81 to 100 | 101 to 120 | 121 to 140 | 141 to 151
There are 151 messages in this topic.

 

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